Uniquely, GisNik...

The Tiniest Thing!

2011-10-12T11:45:00.007-04:00

I was reading this story the other day about Elisha the Prophet and some of his Prophet Boys. They were looking to build a new tree house because the place that they were using to keep their He-Man Woman Haters Club meetings was no longer big enough to contain all of them...(mind you, I'm totally paraphrasing the story...lol...Read 2 Kings 6 for the details). They decided to go down to the river to start collecting logs for the new house, but while they were chopping the axe that one of the Prophets was using fell into the river. The prophet who was using the axe started to freak out because it wasn't his to begin with! He borrowed it from someone to get the log house finished, so he knew that the axe's owner would catch a royal fit if he brought him back a messed up tool. The prophet ran to Elisha spazzing out over what had happened and he asked him to please do something to help the situation. He was like,

"...OH MY BABY JESUS!! I BROKE MY FRIEND'S AXE! HE IS GONNA KILL ME DEAD!! MAMA NO!!"

Elisha like the ultimate gangster that he was, calmly approached the situation and said to the prophet,

"...Calm down dude! Just show me where it fell?”

Now here's where the ultimate awesomeness takes place...Elisha cuts a regular stick and throws it into the water around where the prophet pointed out that the axe first got lost, and wouldn't you know what happened next...the ax head floated to the top of the water. Tell me that is not the coolest bible story you've ever read in your life! Now I didn't just retell you all of this for the purposes of "oohs" and "ahhs," but rather to point out the fact that God is concerned with even the most miniscule matters in our lives. I believe that God included this story in the bible to remind us that there is nothing too big or too small for God to handle. Sometimes we tend to think that God will only answer prayers that pertain to major things going on in our lives; however, that is so not the case! The same way that God can heal you of major sickness and disease, is the same way he can help you find your keys when you misplace it. God cares about EVERYTHING that concerns you. Can you wrap your mind around that?! Every single detail of your life and what happens in it matters to God. If it matters to you, it matters to Him...if it bothers you, it bothers Him. The prophet in the story was all messed up in the game because he lost an axe head that didn't belong to Him. When he ran to Elisha, he knew that this man through God's power was able to fix the situation and get back the axe. If the prophet felt that it was okay to go to God about finding an axe, what makes you think you don't have the same right?! You want your hair to grow, tell God! You lost your wallet, tell God! Need help to stop cursing, tell God! Can't remember the password to your email account, TELL GOD! Here's your litmus test for yourself to know what to go to God about....If it matters to you, then you can tell God about it, cause it will matter to Him too!

Ready, Aim, and....MISS?!

2011-10-10T11:57:00.007-04:00

In preparation for my new job, I have to get a series of things done including fingerprinting, a physical, and a drug screening. Thus far, it's been a pretty exciting experience getting everything I need together to start working in the public schools. I felt so official getting fingerprinted and molested by the doctors! However, when it came to my drug screening...that was a different story. On Friday, I went to an occupational health center to get my physical exam done and to get tested for drugs or the lack thereof. I knew that the drug screening would involve me having to pee, so in preparation for the procedure I drank water all day. By the time I had to take my drug test I was nice and full of water! The doctor kept asking me if I was sure that I had enough water in me to go to the bathroom, or if I needed to drink some more. I reassured her time and time again that I was a faucet just waiting to be turned on. The moment came for me to pee in the cup for the doctor and I was both excited and relieved because I had been holding in the pee for a while. The doctor drew a line on the cup and said,

"...Pee up to this line...,"

At which point I jokingly retorted,

"...You might have to give me two cups cause I have alot of pee to give!"

I went into the bathroom and I stooped over the toilet bowl to pee into the cup like the champ that I was. I placed the cup under me and started to pee...when I was done, I looked into the cup to see just how much water I was holding in all day, and what do I see?! NO PEE! WHAT?!!!! Where did the pee go?!!! As it turns out, I completely missed the cup...! How in the world does that happen, you ask?! Well, I don't know either! All I know is that I missed the cup! I came out of the bathroom with the cup in my hand and the doctor had a bewildered look on her face,

"WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?!"

She asked. I told her I missed the cup. She responded,

"...Giselle, how do you miss the cup?! Not even a drip made it in here!"

I told the doctor that I'd come back Monday and try it again, but she said that once you start a drug test you aren't permitted to leave until you give them your pee. I was shocked and upset! This meant that I'd have to drink more water and sit in the health center until I could pee again. To make a long story short, it took me 5 bottles of water, 2 hours, and 2 more tries before I finally got the pee into the cup. The second time I tried to pee, I think I got stage fright cause nothing wanted to come out, even after drinking all that water. The third time, I was so paranoid that I'd miss that it took me 10 minutes just to pee into the cup to make sure that I got it in there! I was so grateful when I finally got it in! Goodness gracious what a process that was! I think I understand now what men go through in peeing on floors and toilet seats. Although they have the proper "hosery," aiming is not as easy as it looks!

Not ONE but TWO!

2011-10-06T11:32:00.001-04:00

After 11 long, long, LONG arduous months of waiting, with countless rejection letters from various school districts...GUESS WHO GOT A JOB?!!! Go on! GUESS! All together now,

....ME!!!!

And as if that weren't awesome enough, I got not one, but TWO job offers! THANK GOD!! Listen, if you knew my story...if you knew just how much stuff I had to go through in this past year, you'd understand why I have every reason to be excited right now! Last week within two days, two different districts offered me positions, with one being in the district that I wanted to work in from the very beginning. The director called my old supervisor and asked if her intern (ME) could interview for a psychologist position that just opened in the district. I was shocked! I didn't even think the director remembered me...and what's even greater, the district was under a hiring freeze so technically they weren't even supposed to be looking to bring anyone new on staff!! HOWEVER....

MY CASE IS DIFFERENT!!!

As it currently stands, I am still deciding between the two job offers in order to determine which is currently the best option for me. Both positions are paying me very well, and are willing to let me leave early one day out of the week to get to class on time. I'd say that by the end of next week, I'll know which one I'm definitely going with. I tell you, when God opens a window to pour out a blessing, it doesn't just fall on you...it overtakes you!! I speak from firsthand experience in saying that when God promises you something, it may take a little while...BUT CONSIDER IT DONE! Cheers! (insert non-alcoholic drink here)

Are You In Position?!

2011-10-04T00:36:00.001-04:00

In the bible, when the prophet Elijah asked his spiritual son Elisha what he wanted before he was taken away by God, Elisha responded that he basically wanted to be able to do what Elijah was doing by the power of God...times TWO!! Now although Elijah acknowledged that what Elisha was asking for wasn't easy, he didn't say it was impossible. In fact, the request was actually quite feasible but it was dependent upon one thing on Elisha's part: if he was in position when Elijah was taken away, he'd get his heart's desire, but if he was out of place, he'd miss his blessing.

I'm learning much like Elisha, that timing and position is everything. There are things that we are all trusting God for and believing Him to do, but it takes us being in the proper place to receive those very blessings. It's a sad thing to know that you or I missed out on an amazing blessing or opportunity simply because we were somewhere else or doing something that we shouldn't be doing, or simply put...being out of position.

Elisha knew exactly what he desired and Elijah knew that the only way for this servant of his to get his request was to be in the right place at the right time! Elisha didn't leave Elijah for even a moment to go take a rest, or to tend to things at home, or to go take care of stuff for work...he stayed in position all the time!

I believe that in the last few months left in this year, God is going to unleash some blessings that we've been waiting for all year. For some of us, we should have gotten those very same blessings earlier in the year, but when it was time for us to get it, we weren't in position. Well, I firmly believe that it's time for another shot!

What are you desiring of God to do in your life? Think about it, go ask Him again, and hurry and get in position to receive it! Now remember, Elisha stayed with Elijah for quite some time before the blessing manifested, so don't you lose heart if you don't see yours come right away! I guaranteed you that once you consistently stay in position, which is walking in the path God has created for you, then you'll surely get what you're asking Him for!

Reformed Shopper

2011-09-23T11:39:00.006-04:00

I'm sure all of you know by now that I have been job searching since November 2010 for a position as a school psychologist. While I am presently working as an administrator in my church, I would love to actually work in the field for which I went to school all of these years. When I graduated in December, my arch nemesis Sallie Mae was alerted and I began receiving student loan bills as soon as I drove off my school parking lot. While I was a graduate student, I was safe because all of my loans were put into deferment, which basically means I didn't have to pay one red cent until I completed my degree. Well, well, lo' and behold, I completed my degree and here came the student loan bills. See, when you graduate, Sallie Mae automatically assumes that you have a job lined up so you'll be able to afford to pay back the thousands of dollars that you owe her without delay. What Sallie Mae failed to realize is that due to circumstances beyond my control, I wasn't able to get that alleged job right away. Again, I am presently working, just not yet making the thousands of dollars that I am supposed to be getting! lol! In the beginning of 2011, while I job searched in various school districts, I had to seriously cut back on my shopping habits in order to pay Sallie Mae and keep her quiet. It wasn't a struggle to pay her, but it was a struggle to not shop. I couldn't even tell you the last time I went strolling through department store aisles picking out shoes, and dresses, and cute handbags. I'd say since February, I hadn't shopped the way I used to AND IT SUCKED!! In the last 7 months I've maybe purchased one or two pairs of shoes and some undergarments at best, but in terms of the usual damage that I make, I'm nowhere close! I had to weigh my options and decide whether I wanted to completely ignore Sallie Mae and shoot my credit score straight to hell, or sacrifice for a bit, pay my bills on time and shop later on. I chose the latter, so that meant no shopping! I had to unsubscribe from every store email that I got, from groupon's daily deals, just everything!! The worst feeling ever was to see a hot outfit or a cute pair of shoes and having to decline from purchasing it because I had other priorities. Now that I am back in yet more school, my student loan bills have gone into deferment again until 2015 which is wonderful! I am financially stable and able to shop again, but guess what?! I don't feel like doing it anymore! Am I sick?! Is this an illness?! What happened to my desire to buy 6 shoes and 12 dresses??? The thrill is gone....

THE THRILL IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, maybe I'll recover and buy the entire TJ Maxx store in November...or not... I will say though, there's nothing better than knowing that you have money in the bank at your disposal, no credit card debt, and all your monthly bills are up to date. I'd say that's way more satisfying than any outfit that I could ever purchase!

That Mini-Heart Attack When...

2011-09-21T11:35:00.015-04:00

I'm realizing that unless I start typing out my entries again, I'm not going to post at all! Pretty horrible, right?! I really did try to be consistent with the video posts, but they take so much time. Between the actual recording of the entry and the editing (because I am an overachiever...judge me! lol!) process, I end up spending HOURS just to get it onto the site. Until I come up with a faster way to post video entries, or stop trying to be such a perfectionist, I'll have to go back to good ol' typing. Ok, on to other things...
I have a story to tell! OH EM GEE! You guys, last weekend I had to spend my time in Pennsylvania for a class that I take which meets on Saturdays from 9-4. Rather than drive the two hours and be completely exhausted for the entire class time, I choose to stay the night in a hotel that is nearby the school. Well, this past Friday on my way to the hotel, I had to make a stop at a Walmart in a very umm..."ghetto" area. I needed some supplies so I figured I'd run in real quick and grab what I needed before someone grabbed me! I usually go shopping with just my keys and my wallet unless I expect the shopping experience to last a couple of hours. In my head, I estimated that this particular shop would take 30 minutes max. I walked through the Walmart, got what I needed and left...I didn't make eye contact with anyone either in case I got snatched...lol! Trust me, if you were in the town that I was in, you'd do the same thing. I forgot to bring my stun gun with me, so I had to be swift with my actions...Just kidding!! No stun gun, at least not yet! ;-) But I digress, so I exited the store and walked quickly to my car pushing my cart with my few items. I threw everything into my trunk as fast as I could and got in my car to get to the hotel which was about 25 minutes away. I safely arrived to my destination and gathered my things to check-in and as I approached the concierge to get my hotel room, she says,

"...I'll gladly check you in, can I please have a form of ID to verify your identity?"

I nodded in agreement and reached into my purse to pull out my wallet...it took me a minute to shovel through my bag because I only carry huge bags, hence the reason why I typically leave them in the car when I go shopping. Well, I dug and fished through my bag and there was no wallet. Wait..wait...NO WALLET?!!! I told the woman that I probably left my wallet in the car so I'd be right back. I ran to my car to search through it for my wallet, but I still couldn't find it. At this point, I had about four mini heart attacks because if the wallet wasn't in my bag, and it wasn't in my car, then that could only mean one thing....

I FORGOT MY WALLET AT WALMART IN THE GHETTO TOWN!

I tell you, I could've peed, pooped, vomited, died, had an aneurysm, everything right then and there! I found the receipt for the Walmart in one of the shopping bags and called the store hoping that someone recovered it for me. The woman I spoke to in the store had to be the most incompetent, rude human being I ever encountered in my whole world! Under normal circumstances I would have gotten upset, but at the time I was just nervous because I needed my wallet! You see, my wallet basically contains my life! It contains all my credit cards, debit cards, store cards, DNA, blood samples, hair follicles, just everything...well maybe not ALL of those things...but without my wallet I couldn't get into the hotel, or go to school the next day, or drive cause my license was in there too! The woman on the phone said that she didn't see a wallet and hung up. I was pissed to the highest level of pisstivity! I decided I was going to drive back from Pennsylvania to the Walmart and look for it myself. As I drove, I literally heard God say,

"...Hey, don't worry you'll get your wallet back with nothing missing...trust me on that."

Within seconds of God speaking, a man calls me to ask if I lost a wallet because the cart that he and his girlfriend had chosen to take into the Walmart had it sitting in there. I was floored!! I left my wallet in the cart, in the parking lot, OUTSIDE!! Anyone could've taken it, and because of the reputation of the town, that was more than likely what was supposed to happen! However, my case was different. The man said to me that he was gonna leave the wallet but he noticed that it had alot of important things in there so he decided to call a number from one of the business cards he saw inside and see if he could reach me. I thanked him maybe 42 times for his Samaritan gesture and told him that I was on my way to pick it up. He said that he and his girlfriend would wait for me to come get it in the interim. When I arrived to pick up the wallet, the guy looked like someone you'd see on "First 48"...lol...he was a tried, and true gangster, and his girlfriend looked like she'd pop a chick real quick! lol! All the more reason why I was SHOCKED that he held the wallet for me! When I approached him, he said,

"...I saw the wallet in the cart and I was like, wow someone lost their stuff, that's f***ed up man...and I was gonna leave it too, but I said this person got too much stuff in there, lemme try to find out who it belongs to..."

Just as God promised me, I got back my wallet with not a single article missing...NOTHING...I mean not even a penny was missing! What's even more amazing is that by the time I returned to the hotel, the front desk clerk switched to a guy. The guy looked at me and saw my name and said,

"...Oh I had an ex-girlfriend named Gisella...I used to call her Gissy..."

lol...I guess the guy liked me or had a flashback because he upgraded my room for no charge to the executive floor where I got a suite and complimentary drinks at the bar if I so desired!! Talk about FAVOR! I never asked the guy for anything, I just wanted to lay down because after what I just experienced, I needed a serious nap and a hard glass of tap water! As I rode in the elevator to my luxurious hotel room (lol!) I thanked God for recovering what I had lost within moments, and then giving me divine favor with people who didn't even know me. Miracles still happen guys...trust me! I experienced it!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!

2011-08-24T14:04:00.012-04:00

I'm sure you've all seen the ever so famous Verizon Wireless commercial with the guy looking to test his cell phone reception and saying repeatedly....

I have to say that many of us, including myself, are guilty of doing what the Verizon Wireless guy does...but when it comes to praying. We go before God and moan and groan for the same things over, and over, and over, and over again, as if God is deaf, or hard of hearing!

I can attest to the fact that sometimes I would go before God and cry, beg and plead, and holler from all down in my soul for Him to pretty please answer me when I call on Him. If for some reason I didn't see instant results from all the prayer and noise I made, I'd continue to do it again, and again, and again! Here I was acting just like the Verizon Wireless guy,

"God, can you hear me now? How about now? Can you hear me now?!"

God has included verses...in fact, entire chapters in His word to remind us that He isn't deaf! God hears us the first time we call Him! We serve a God who actually hears AND responds! Rather than us beg and plead for God to show up in our situations over and over again, we should start practicing the act of praying once, and thanking God in advance for Him intervening on our behalf from that point on.

He's big, He's tough, He's more than enough, now sit back and watch Him do his stuff!

In Spite of Me...

2011-08-22T13:59:00.001-04:00

Don't get skeeved out by the eye! lol

I am consistently blown away over how as many times as I slip up, foul things up, and make a royal mess of things, God in His gracious love and mercy STILL continues to love me and pour out his favor in my life. So many times we subconsciously look at our relationships with our friends and family and liken it to our unique relationship with God. When will we truly get it into our thick skulls that God is not like us in the sense of holding grudges, and beating us over the head with a stick whenever we do something wrong?? Yes, God won't be happy every time we do something we shouldn't, but the beauty of it is that His arms never close to push us away...they're always open! I don't know about you, but I am eternally grateful that God loves me and pours his favor and blessings upon my life, IN SPITE OF ME!

Yes HE Can!!

2011-08-06T06:05:00.005-04:00

I'm sure you're all familiar with the jingle,

"Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you! No you can't! YES I CAN! No you can't! YES I CAN! YES I CAN! YES I CAN!"

That song reminds me of how we can be with our relationship with God at times...thinking that we can do, or handle things better than He can! While the reality is that no one is more powerful than God, sometimes we forget!

Even further, it's amazing how God sometimes has to allow or orchestrate certain things to happen in our lives just so we can truly understand who we're dealing with. Look at the whole book of Job as a perfect example! I imagine him looking an utter mess, sitting ever so helplessly on the ground, and saying to God,

"OK, OK! I get it now!! You proved your point! I'm admitting that you can do anything! I'm sorry for all that stuff I said before!"

Although it shouldn't take unfortunate circumstances taking place for us to truly acknowledge that God is who He says He is, sometimes that's just what we need!

In my own life, there are some not so great things happening that I really have no control over. At first, I thought I could handle everything myself, but after a while I got so fed up and had no choice but to call on God. I think that the sooner we admit that we cannot fix, control, and handle everything, the easier our lives will become. I am so glad to know that even with all of the less than desirable things going on in my life, I serve a God who can do anything...ANYTHING!!

I believe that in this pivotal season of our lives, as we rehearse those simple words repeatedly,

"GOD CAN DO ANYTHING!"

now more than ever He will show up and intervene on our behalf because we acknowledge that it is He who has charge over everything...

Almost, But Not Quite...

2011-08-04T06:02:00.001-04:00

You Won't Be Sorry!

2011-08-03T06:03:00.002-04:00

I recently made a bold move to speak something that I was believing God to do all in an effort to build up my faith as I wait. Well, the time to receive the news regarding what I was trusting God for came...and it wasn't what I hoped to hear. I was shot with a huge degree of disappointment as I sat and pondered to myself how God could just let this happen. I knew from the beginning of the wait that it was He who told me to speak out of my mouth publicly what I was trusting Him to do. I must admit that I did have a degree of apprehension to speak out loud my private prayer, as I faced the possibility of looking stupid in the eyes of others if what I spoke didn't come to pass. Lo' and behold, my worst fears became realized as the very thing I spoke aloud in faith didn't happen. I wanted to crawl into the deepest hole and sit there for a month. I felt like a fraud, a failure, like I had no power.

As I tried to sort through my thoughts regarding the experience, God led me to the following verse:

"...Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced [disappointed]..."- 1 Peter 2:6

Immediately, I felt a huge weight lift up off my shoulder. I felt God speaking to my heart and reminding me that He was still in control.

I know we've all had moments such as these where we've spoke things aloud through God's leading only to see them fall to the ground...or did they?

From this experience, I am coming to understand that trusting God will have many turns, twists, and loops. While God knows EXACTLY what He's doing and what's about to happen, we don't always have that same vantage point. We are purposely placed in a position where we must trust and rely in Him wholeheartedly, not knowing what is going to happen next.

In this walk, even when we take steps of faith to speak something aloud, to make a decision, etc., it may not always turn out as we hoped, but that doesn't mean God's hand isn't still in the mix.

Even in the let downs and unexpected turns, God promises in His word that once we place our faith and trust in Him, we absolutely will not be disappointed.

At times we may feel shame or foolish for having said or done things in faith only to see them not happen, but even so, God promises that we won't be disgraced for even considering taking a step of faith.

At the end of the day, ALL and I mean ALL, that God has promised or placed in our spirits to trust Him for will come to pass. Things may not always go how WE expect, but it's okay. Our faith may seem crazy in the eyes of others, but know that in the eyes of God, we are good to go! Continue to trust Him, you won't be sorry!

Use Your Resources

2011-07-20T12:59:00.002-04:00

Why do we try and handle things for ourselves when we have a God who is present and actually wants us to run to Him when we face difficult times?

To this day, it blows my mind how we willingly walk through tough circumstances and try to face them in our own strength and wisdom, even after knowing that God said He would be our strength and our fortress when we are in trouble.

As I ask myself the following question, so I also encourage you to ask yourself the same: Why aren't I utilizing the resources God has made available to me?

Though we may deny that we are trying to get through things on our own, our actions say otherwise! To even attempt to get through a situation with your own strength blatantly says to God,

"I DON'T NEED THE HELP YOU'RE OFFERING ME!"

If He said in His word that He is a fortress in times of trouble, a helper, a rescuer, a saver, a shelter...allow Him the opportunity to be those things in your life!

Don't wait for situations to become so overwhelming to deal with, to then run to God to use His resources?

I refuse to continue to put myself through unnecessary stress and aggravation when I know that God wants to take care of those such things for me.

Let's learn to accept the help God has made available for us. He's a gentleman so He won't force his help on us; however, if we run to Him, He'll rescue us just like He said He would!

Let's utilize those resources!

WHY, WHY, WHY?!

2011-07-19T12:56:00.001-04:00

Why? Why? Why?

I bet this is the one word God hears more than any other! Whether He does something great, or allows something tough to happen to us, our response is often the same..."God, Why...??"

I've been asking God to help me to get to a place in my life where I no longer need to know the ins and outs of every single thing that He does in my life. There are just some things that I don't need to know! I mean think about it, imagine God explaining to you why you had to go through years of financial difficulty, or why your loved one passed away so suddenly, or why you've been battling sickness your whole life...you wouldn't be able to comprehend! He said it himself in His word that it's impossible for us to understand his decisions and His ways.

The way I see it is like this...God put those verses in His word to inform us in advance not to ask Him for an explanation for every single thing, simply because we wouldn't be able to wrap our minds around His reasons anyway.

At the end of the day, this all boils down to a trust issue. If we trust God enough in all His infinite wisdom and knowledge to do what is in our best interest, then we should stop asking "WHY" and learn how to relax!

We've already established that God's thoughts are way too advance for human understanding, so let's learn to let God do His thing, and rest in Him.

Lord, I'm sorry for nagging you about why you do the things that you do...from this point forward, I don't wanna know why, cause I trust you :-)

What's Up With Me!

2011-07-18T21:46:00.001-04:00

STORY TIME!

2011-07-16T01:37:00.001-04:00

G.O.D.- That Good Stuff!

2011-06-16T09:40:00.001-04:00

Put the Phone Down!

2011-06-11T11:30:00.001-04:00

She's Back!!!!

2011-06-04T19:36:00.001-04:00

What's Happening?!!

2011-04-27T08:35:00.004-04:00

To Be or Not to Be...Pregnant!

2011-04-08T02:54:00.000-04:00

Making A Bold Move

2011-04-06T10:38:00.001-04:00

Update Time!!

2011-04-01T04:35:00.001-04:00

I'm Not Racing You!!

2011-03-28T02:33:00.000-04:00

Hair Challenge

2011-03-25T09:44:00.000-04:00

Ungrateful Complainers!

2011-03-23T03:53:00.001-04:00

National Honesty Day

2011-03-22T02:47:00.000-04:00

Dreams, Girls, Etc...

2011-03-21T02:53:00.001-04:00

Oh My Virgin Eyes!!

2011-03-18T03:50:00.001-04:00

Happy! Happy! JOY! JOY!

2011-03-15T02:18:00.002-04:00

KABOOM! Goes The Tire

2011-03-12T04:02:00.004-05:00

Giselle Speaks!

2011-03-10T19:47:00.008-05:00

Still Holding On

2011-03-03T12:03:00.003-05:00

It's now into the month of March, and yet still I am without a job in the field of school psychology. I choose to word it this way only because I am not jobless...I work in church as the administrator while I do my job search, but yet still I am not working in the field I went to school for. Everyday I check through 5 different education websites in hopes of seeing a posting for a psychologist position in a school. Every couple of weeks or so there is one, maybe two postings at most for which I apply, but none of them work out. Thus far, I've been on 4 interviews, as recent as yesterday. All of the positions posted since I've graduated in December, have been for temporary or leave replacement purposes only...basically, the position lasts anywhere from 6 months to a year, or until the present psychologist returns to the job. To add to all this, not only am I applying for these jobs, but so are all of my classmates who graduated with me. As a matter of fact, yesterday when I went in for my interview, one of my classmates was just leaving from interviewing for the exact same position. When something like that happens, all you can do is laugh. We hugged each other and he said to me, "Giselle!! GOOD LUCK!!" Six months ago, I never dreamed that I would be in this predicament. I never would have guessed that I would be searching past one month for a school psychologist position. If there were a host of positions to choose from then that would be different, because it would be on me to decide where I want to apply. However, when I say that there are no postings, I really mean it...no postings. This isn't like an ordinary job search, because it's almost as if you're at the mercy of the New Jersey school systems...whenever and if ever they feel like putting up an opening, then they'll put one up, but until that happens, you cannot call, or question any school system...all you can do is wait. I have to say that this is the most frustrating thing that I have experienced ever. I have been through trying situations before, but this takes the cake! Sometimes I don't even feel like going on the websites to see if a school district posted anything, only because it's depressing to see that every other posting in schools has openings, except the one I need. Recently, my dad has been preaching a series called,

"Don't Quit."

God sure knows when to drop a word at the right time because I was feeling to give up. While I wait for a job posting to show up I'm also applying to doctoral programs. I question myself sometimes, like

"Giselle why are you applying to get another degree when no one is even hiring?!"

It's a discouraging thought! However, when I go to church week after week and hear God speaking through my dad and reminding me not to quit, not to give up, I am able to push past my thoughts, what things look like in the natural, and continue to hold on. I know God wouldn't bring me alllllll the way to this point for no reason. I know that He has me in this position for a purpose. I know that all things will work together for my good because he said it, and I trust Him. As I continue to walk through this valley experience, I look forward with hope knowing that in the perfect time, and in the most perfect way, I'll get the right position. I'm sure you all have things that you're dealing with, and wondering when is it going to end...remember God is able. Right at the point where we feel like we can't do this anymore, God will take us into our blessing, our next level. Now I want you to smile, cause I'm smiling right now...and go eat some cake and ice cream because everything will be okkkkk :-)

Into Me, See...

2011-03-02T12:36:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I wonder why I have a blog. I've been writing on here since 2006, and during that time you all have had a chance to glance into my life. Throughout the years, I have shared with you my struggles, my triumphs, the things that just piss me off, and everything else that falls in between. I would say this is much like a relationship because we've shared some intimate moments. I do second guess myself at times and wonder if I am too open with the things that I go through; but then again, I feel that it is important for me to be transparent with you the readers. See, sometimes when you try to come across as having all the answers, and giving the impression that you always have everything together, you risk appearing fake in the eyes of others. Apart from that, I don't know about you, but I know that I am not interested in talking to, or even reading about someone else that I cannot relate to. As for me, I can be vague if I want and just try to be as general as possible in trying to convey my thoughts; however, sometimes it's in the personal stories that I share with you all that I am able to make the greatest impact. Thank you all for reading my thoughts daily and understanding that I am a human...lol...people forget that sometimes! Yes, I go through things, but as I go through and share my journey, I in turn learn about myself by what I unveil to you all. With that being said, let's get into my life again... :-)

Giselle's Favorite Things

2011-02-23T13:26:00.009-05:00

I am such a beauty geek! I love all things, hair, skin, and beauty in general. I think I first became a beauty junky when I was 18 years old and got my first job. I was fresh out of high school, enrolled in my first year of college, was working as a legal secretary, and making loads of money. At 18 years old making $12.00 in 2001, that was ALOT of me! I had two bills to pay at the time: my cell phone bill and insurance for my car. After paying my two small bills, I was left with alot of money to play with...hence began my obsession! Over the years, I have tried many different products for my face and my hair all in an effort to figure out what works best for me. After 9 years of product hit and misses, I want to briefly share some of my product staples with you that I swear by. Let me preface my list by saying that these are MY favorites in MY opinion, so if you beg to differ, don't beat me with a stick over it! Alrighty, let's get into it...

Aussie 3 minute Miracle Deeeeeep Conditioner- I discovered this conditioner through a hair recommendation on youtube about 2 months ago and I have to say, where has this conditioner been all my life?!!!! It's absolutely AMAZING!! I condition wash my hair every 3-4 days, meaning that I wash my hair with conditioner ONLY because my scalp doesn't get very dirty but my hair craves moisture, so condition washes work well for me. I run my hair under water for a moment so that it can absorb the water, then I put this conditioner in and proceed to bathe while it penetrates into my hair. The slip this conditioner provides you with is sick! When I rinse my hair, it feels like satin...a real slippery smooth feeling. The next greatest thing about this conditioner is the price!! You're gonna pay no more than $3.00 for it and it's available everywhere (Target, Walmart, Walgreens)! I HIGHLY recommend it for men, women, children, animals, and aliens!

Monistat Chafing Relief Powder Gel- No, it's not for what you think its for...not for your noonie area, it's for your face! lol! Now don't judge me, but I also saw this from a video blogger on youtube and she recommended putting it on over your daily moisturizer, and under your powder or foundation. I've been using this for about 5-6 months now and it leaves my face non-shiny, which is great because I can truly shine like a penny cause of my oily skin. Also, it goes on your face for a smooth matte finish, it isn't drying, and it has your face looking and feeling like porcelain! I'm telling you, don't think about the name! I purchase several of these at a time and keep them in my bag, my car, all over. I've converted many a friend into a Monistat believer because the proof is immediately visible! I pay about $4 for it at Walmart...go get some before I buy them all!

Olay Quench Daily Lotion Plus Shimmer- Yet another product which I have been using for months, and I looooove it. This is one of the very, very few lotions that I can put on which doesn't leave me ashy after 5 minutes. I can lotion myself and actually continue to be moisturized after I step away from the bottle! It comes in a huge size and there's also little sparkly bits in it. Not to fear, the sparkles are very light, but you glisten quite beautifully if you're out in the sun or under bright lights...it's great! For $5 and some change, this lotion does an amazing job...plus the bottle is really cute too!

Clinique Take the Day Off Makeup Remover- I've used this product consistently since last summer upon a recommendation from a wonderful Sephora store customer rep. I wear really black eyeliner on my bottom inner eyelid, known as the "waterline" for dramatic effect as it helps my brown eyes to stand out more. I also like to wear really black, drama causing mascara because I like the long lash effect. However, applying these things to my eyes daily, often causes me problems to get off at night and leaves me looking like a raccoon the next day. Prior to this, I would use olive oil as an eye makeup remover, however I cannot stand when the oil gets into my eye because it burns like onions. Clinique's T.D.O, is awesome because when I apply it to a cotton square, it takes every remnant of makeup off without burning my eyes! What more could I ask for!

Lemon Juice- Yup! No fancy brand, just good ol' bottled lemon juice from concentrate. I've been using lemon juice as a toner after I cleanse my face for years, and it does an amazing job of getting rid of any remaining dirt or grime I may have missed in cleaning my face. The lemon may sting at times, but that's just the acid from the fruit itself. To me, it helps keep my skin toned, even, and clear because I very rarely if ever get pimples now. As a matter of fact, lemon juice has helped me tremendously with pimples over the years...swab some of it over the bump at night, and in a day or two max, you'll see a dramatic reduction in the swelling. I've posted a picture below for you to see my face up close and without makeup for yourself...it works!

Kirkland Daily Facial Cleansing Towelettes- In keeping with the whole facial cleansing theme, I would just like to take a moment and absolutely fawn over these cleansing wipes! OH EM GEE!!!!!!!! After years of using all kinds of stuff, I mean cleansing kits of all kinds, concoctions, scrubs, washes, I have finally found what works...and might I just add that it's the simplest product that I have ever used EVER! My mere bought me a box of these towelettes from Costco last year because prior to this I was cleaning my face with olive oil and baby wipes, which worked fine for me, but she bought me these and thought I should try it. These towelettes are for all skin types and all you are required to do is take one out of the pack and use it on your face, no need to wash, rinse, or anything! I'm telling you, it's that simple! I love that I don't have to drip all over the place and follow a 12 step program just to keep my face clean and clear. I use one towelette followed by one cotton square of lemon juice as toner, put my moisturizer on and I'm done!! I dare you to try it!

Sally Hansen Salon Effects Nail Polish Strips- This product favorite is actually very recent. I purchased this on a whim last week at Walmart just to see what it would do...I followed the very easy directions and maaaaan...LOVE IT TO DEATH! Lately, because I am not working in education yet, I am abstaining from going to get my nails done as I normally would in order to save money; however, I don't want to stop looking stylish! I applied these strips which were so easy to put on and took me maybe a good 20 minutes to do each hand...it's fool-proof so it's practically impossible to mess up the application. I absolutely fell in love with the results as my nails look unique and even moreso, they look like I went to the salon to get them done! The box cost me $8 and the strips are long lasting. I'm so sticking with these..

I stand by all of these products, and as I arrive at new favorites, I'll share them with you all! Go try this stuff!

Waiting...AGAIN?!!

2011-02-21T12:43:00.002-05:00

I tell you my faith and patience are being tried and stretched to the Nth degree...meaning there is no known number to quantify my inner frustrations. Here I am again, still waiting. I have no idea what God is doing or aiming to show me in having me still unemployed in the education system. While I do have a job where I get paid, it is not in the arena for which I went to school. I don't believe I went to school for 4 years to become a psychologist so that God would have me just sitting here. It's a very uncomfortable feeling to not know what happens next. I apply to job after job and because I am new to the field of school psychology, I keep getting rejection letters from the districts I apply to because I lack the field experience that they're looking for. Thus far, I have received two rejection letters, and rather than throw them away, I'm saving them. I know some of you all may be wondering why I would want to hold on to such a dismal piece of paper, but I have my reasons. See, I know the time will come when I'll have a story to tell, or rather a testimony to tell about how God provided me with a job supernaturally. When the time comes for me to tell my story, I want to have something to hold in my hand to show people that when man says no, God will give you a yes. Presently, I cannot see how or which district would hire me as there are no postings for school psychologist positions anywhere. However, as the child of a God who can stop time, split the ocean in two, make animals talk, and rain down fire, I don't need to see anything to know that He can, and He will open the right door for me at the right time. While I wait, it's a matter of me having patience and not complaining about my present situation. Whenever God is ready for me, He'll flex his muscles and do his thing...

I GOT A CONVERTIBLE...

2011-02-17T00:27:00.003-05:00

...Dress that is! lol... Convertible dresses are amazing and I think every woman should own at least one! I purchased the one pictured below as part of a one day deal on a fashion website. When the dress arrived, I couldn't figure out how to put it on for the life of me because there's no instructions! Who would've thought that clothes needed to come with instructions now?! I think I had my head where my foot should be...and knowing me, that's nothing new! lol... I eventually figured it out, and when I did, a world of fashion possibilities opened up!! I decided to play dress up and take some photos for you all to see some of the options that are available in wearing one of these kinds of dresses. It was much fun coming up with new styles! Take a look....

Mr. & Mrs. Don't Know-it-All

2011-02-16T23:04:00.004-05:00

Before I get into tonight's entry, I have to do a reality check....
I can't believe that I am 27 years old!! Oh my goodness! My lil bro. Jordan pointed it out to me tonight and it had me wondering where the time went!! I am so not a kid anymore! I am a big ol' girl now...no, no, I'm a lady! I'll have to start paying pensions and 401K plans soon! lol! Ok, that was all...now on to the topic...

Wouldn't you agree that it's very difficult to be friends with someone that is blatantly unwilling to receive counsel from you? This last month since I've been out of school and doing the whole job search thing, I've had a lot of time to really sit and think about various matters. I'm realizing that as tough as it is to find genuine friendships in this day and age, it puts a real strain on things when the person can't take advice from you because they swear up and down that they know everything already. I happen to be acquainted with a variety of different individuals, and I see that it's steady becoming a trend amongst a few of them! I can only speak for myself when I say that I do not want to ever, EVER get to a place where I become unteachable, and unwilling to take constructive counsel. I don't want to get to a point where when someone is offering me wisdom, all I hear from them is,

"blah, blah, blah-zay-blah, blah, blah."

Regardless of age, there is no way for one person to know everything. We all need each other! I believe that if a friend in your life is offering you good advice it would be in your best interest to take it, or at least consider what is being said. Remember that the things they are telling you are with your well-being in mind. If for some reason you feel that a friend in your life is not offering you sound advice or counsel to benefit you, then perhaps you should reconsider the friendship altogether. I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to see a friend do something, or make a wrong move, and then when you lovingly offer them words of counsel, they turn a deaf ear. Makes you wonder if they even value your friendship too, right? Hmm...anyhoo, I say all that to say, always remain teachable, because we all have something to learn, and we all can't see everything. Let those who you consider to be your REAL friends do their job and assist you in being your eyes and ears...

So You Wanna Be a Model?!

2011-02-15T00:14:00.004-05:00

PICK ME

One of my "dare to dream" goals this year was to try modeling, among other things. It was a thought that came to me in the latter part of 2010 while I was at work. I was looking through some of my thousands of pictures when it occurred to me...I wonder if I could get hired to do any type of modeling work?? I didn't really mention my thoughts to anyone in case I happened to come across a dream killer who would discourage me. I told myself at the end of 2010 that at some point in 2011, I would pursue the dream and see what happens. Well, last week as I was surfing the web at 2 in the morning, I saw an ad for a beauty contest through a person I subscribe to on YouTube. I clicked the link to see what the contest was all about, and something said to me,

"You've got nothing to lose, why not try?"

I was very nervous that I had even heard such a thought in the first place! I mean, I began to see all my imperfections, all the things on my body that I still needed to work on, and the dream of modeling to any extent became dimmer and dimmer. Now ordinarily, it would be at that point that I would say

"NEVERRRMIND"

and keep going through the web, but this time, I went against my own thoughts and decided to apply anyway! So, just to share with you my dears what exactly is going...The contest that I entered is Black Opal's True Beauty Model Search. I guess they're looking for a new face model because the photos that they request for entry must be neck up shots. The winners are determined by an essay submitted with the pictures, appearance, and public votes. The grand prize is a hefty scholarship for school, as well as a photo shoot. Oh em gee, scholarship?!! I'm applying to two doctoral programs and needless to say...I NEED MONEY!! lol...If I win this contest, I would not have only realized a dream, but also get free money for school! Ok, now here's where I need a few moments of your time... I've included a link up top of my entry profile called "PICK ME!" where you click that phrase and it takes you on Black Opal Cosmetics website where you can vote for me to help me win. You can vote once a day, everyday too! I would sooooo appreciate your helping hands if you all could vote for me using the link above...and if I win, I'll share out hugs! lol :-) stay tunnned!!!

My Hairstory

2011-02-12T03:53:00.011-05:00

So, In the last year I've become VERY VERY obsessed with lace front wigs. I absolutely love them!! At first I would shy away from talking about them because I didn't want to have people all up in my scalp. However, I am not sure at what point I said,

"I DON'T CARE! WHO WANTS TO SEE??"

but since then, I've been more than willing to share my obsession with anyone who will listen. Above, you'll see a condensed version of my 2010-2011 year with human hair lace front wigs. In each picture, I look like a different version of myself! My method to protect my own hair under each wig was to have it braided in 4 or 5 cornrows flat going straight back. Absolutely none of my hair is out in any of the photos. I was also able to create a scalp, or something close to a scalp with a bit of foundation for my face and a skinny makeup brush...pretty cool, right?!! I encourage you all as soon as you're done watching this video to go buy a wig! GUYS, YOU TOO! lol

THICKEN UP!

2011-02-11T00:51:00.001-05:00

Oh my goodness gracious! I just have to stand on top of my bed and say this...
I am sooooo done with folks taking offense for every little thing. And for the record, if you're offended just by reading this post, then I'm talking to you too! What has become of today's men and women where even the smallest of infractions cause them to get all up in arms and throw hissy fits like they're 10 years old?? Did I miss the memo? Did it become cool to get upset, and catch an attitude if something doesn't go your way, or a person addresses you in a manner that you didn't find favorable? I'm just asking because it's becoming so common that I almost feel kinda weird if I don't act the same way too! Never in my life have I witnessed so many people in my passing world get offended for small things...just straight up making mountains out of mole hills! Never would I have thought that you practically need to get an advanced degree to interact with people for fear of them misconstruing something you say, or getting all tight because something did not go the way that they wanted it to. Allow me to remind you all, and this includes myself, that LIFE IS REAL!!! As a result, things will happen, people will say and do things, and it will often times be beyond the scope of our control. Stop taking things so personally if someone talks to you a certain way or doesn't do something that you want. We need to learn to let things roll off our backs, the way that water does to a duck! For the most part, the people who take offense to every little thing are the very same ones who constantly offend others...bet you didn't know that one, huh?! It's a cycle...you offend someone, whether intentionally or not...they get offended, and in turn offend someone else...that someone else offends another, and then it starts all over again! The point that I'm trying to make is that people are not always going to do things or say things that you like, so sooner or later you're going to have to learn to build the nicest bridge possible and GET OVER IT! If you find yourself getting offended easily, you're going to have to grow thicker skin because it's not going to stop. If everywhere you go, you get offended by something or someone...then sweetie pie, the problem isn't them or the place, IT'S YOU! At some point in all of our lives (and some will have more points than others), we will experience a moment of offense, and we will need to decide how to react to the situation. We can choose to get all uptight, catch the ugliest attitude ever, and go into seclusion from people, places, and things....OR....we can learn to THICKEN UP & LET IT GO!!! You pick!

How Sorry Are You?!

2011-02-04T02:33:00.004-05:00

I think some of my deepest thoughts come in the midnight hour. I'm up late AGAIN, thinking about how the words, "I'm Sorry" has lost its meaning and significance. I've heard that one phrase so many times from many different people that it practically means nothing to me anymore. Pretty sad, huh? It's a shame, but the reality is that most of the people who apologize for one hurtful action or another, often go on to repeat the same offense again. But I thought they were sorry?! Well my dears, for the most part, maybe about 60% of those who say they're sorry truly mean their apologies to you in the first place. Maybe that same 60% only said those two words because they felt that it was the right thing to say. In my opinion, to say "I'm Sorry," means that for whatever the offense was that the person committed toward another, they now have every intention of never engaging in that offense again. More plainly stated, for whatever it was that originally caused the person to say that they were sorry in the first place, they are also saying that they will make an active effort not to do that same thing which caused the offense again. Many people fail to realize the true meaning behind such a phrase; thus, they throw it around for any and everything that happens! I myself sometimes get so weary of hearing those words from certain people because I know in my heart of hearts that they have no intentions of changing their actions. There needs to be some new phrase, perhaps something longer that will require more breath and brain power to say, that can replace the regular ol' "I'm Sorry." There needs to be some other phrase that will separate the genuinely remorseful people from the disingenuous....maybe it should even be in another language...!! Something has to be done! I'd rather a person not say anything to me at all, than tell me how sorry they are and go on to re-repeat the same offense against me again and again. Humans...I tell ya...

That "I GOT YOU" Swag..

2011-02-02T02:57:00.005-05:00

Now you know I can't write entry after entry and not include writings on my favorite subjects...GUYS! LOL! Ok, ok, ok!! So, I'll say briefly that in the last 12 months I've interacted with some guys via work, church, and daily life who have opened my eyes to a new type of attitude, a different type of demeanor...I call it,

That "I GOT YOU" Swag

....LIKE THE FONZ!! Please tell me that you all know who The Fonz is! Fonzie from the show, "Happy Days," had the "I GOT YOU" Swag with women down to a science...so much so that with the snap of his fingers, women would come hither! Yes, I said come hither! lol! Oh my gosh, there is nothing more attractive than a man who can handle his business, and yours! I'm not talking about paying your bills, and assuming your responsibilities as a woman...no, no, I'm talking about a man who has the physical and mental means to take care of you, to treat you special...a man who when he says, "I GOT YOU," really means it in every sense of the word. I'm sure some of you can identify the feeling you can get on your inside when you're with a man (i.e., friend, boyfriend, husband, bestie...lol) who can take charge and handle things, leaving you with absolutely not one care in the world. When a man has That "I GOT YOU" Swag, you don't have to worry about anything because in those three words, he's letting you know that he has everything under control, so you can rest easy. A man with That "I GOT YOU" Swag takes on your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being as part of his primary concern. His goal is to consistently make sure that you are well taken cared of in every aspect and sense of the word. Basically, there's no need to wonder about how something is going to come together, or how a matter is going to work out because you know for a fact that that man is looking out for you. If he says that he's got you...then by gollee, he's got you!! You could be in an unsure or uncomfortable situation and if you're with that man, just one look from him calms you right down cause he just let you know in a glimpse that he'll handle things. Sounds alot like Jesus Christ, right?! LOL!! Now Me being the type of person that I am, I do not need to have a subservient, Humble Hubert type of man around me who is just going to let me run things. If I wanted something to give orders to, I'd get a pet. Now, this is not to say that I want a controlling man who is going to watch over my every move and tell me what time to eat and go to the bathroom, and isn't going to let me breathe. I like a man who has the right balance...a man who knows just how to handle things...and I mean that in the most non-sexual way possible! lol... There's nothing hotter than a man with That "I GOT YOU" Swag...like Fonzie says,

"AYEEEEEEEEEE...."

Finding the Balance

2011-02-01T01:50:00.001-05:00

Yup, it's late again, and I feel like off loading some things that are on my mind. I'll preface everything that I'm about to say with this...the following entry is not geared toward any one particular person; as a result, if you feel some type of way while reading this, I encourage you to get a mirror and go examine yourself ;-) Alrighty, moving right along...
You know, I've been having a real issue with some people professing their passion for Christ, their un-dying devotion and dedication for the Lord, but yet the way in which they handle the affairs in the other aspects of their lives is horrible...just a flaky mess! I know we all talk about lukewarm Christians...meaning folks who are half doing this whole "walking with Christ" thing, or those who have one foot in church, and the other foot is out in the world where they're living it up. However, what about those people who are lukewarm in every other aspect of their lives too?! Yes, your relationship with God makes up a large portion of your life, but don't forget that there is also everyday life to deal with too...and let's just face it, some of us are doing a pretty poor job at balancing it. I am so over how some people complain about their lives being hard, stressful, not coming together, etc. It's almost as if we've forgotten that as important as walking with the Lord is, so is taking care of our life affairs. Why do some of us think that just because we are serving God, we should just leave everything else in our lives to come together as it may cause, "God will take care of it..." OH PLEASE! Cry me a Delaware River!! My dears, YES God can take care of anything, but we have to do our part too! You can't be all about the Lord's business and then use that as an excuse to not handle your own business! It's called,

"finding the balance."

If you want God to bless the other areas of your life, please understand that it will first entail you doing your part. I'm not going to name examples of what "doing your part" entails, because you all are smart enough to know what that would mean for your individual circumstances. It really gets frustrating after a while to hear folks, especially those who are Christians, go on and on about how dedicated they are to serving the Lord, but yet can't be consistent in handling their personal business. It's unacceptable! No wonder people who aren't saved look at us sometimes like we don't know what we're doing...it's because some of us really don't! If those who aren't Christians are looking to us for hope solely based on the condition of our everyday lives, many of them would run in the other direction!! We have a responsibility not just as Christians, but as mature adults to let out WHOLE lives reflect progress, consistency, and dedication, and not just direct it to our walk with God. Come on my dears...this isn't to yell at anyone, but to encourage us all to adjust our life scales and find the balance!

(Pouty Face)

2011-01-28T01:47:00.004-05:00

It's 1:47 am on a friday morning and I don't feel like going to sleep. I'm laying in my bed thinking of what to write for today's entry and one of my habits came to me...
You ever plan ahead of time to do something, and then when the day reaches to actually go ahead and do it, you really don't feel like doing it anymore? I swear, that has to be some kind of disease! What do you call that?? Like clockwork, this happens to me every single time that I have something scheduled beforehand. I can assure you all that it has absolutely nothing to do with the person whom I have to hang with, nor does it have anything to do with the event or function for which I have to attend. It's just...I dunno! When the time comes to actually go through with what I have planned, I just don't feel like doing it anymore. I suddenly get this regretful feeling in my lower tummy that's totally making me dread the upcoming experience and give a pouty face like the one you see here...in my mind of course! ;-) It's funny because I'd never cancel last minute on a function I have to go to or with the person I am hanging out with. I kind of just deal with the feeling and go ahead with business as usual. At the end of the experience I totally end up having had a great time, but it's the anticipation that's leading up to the actual experience that just makes me want to spit! Please tell me I am not the only special one with this issue??! :-)

A Different Perspective

2011-01-26T12:35:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling so antsy waiting for a position in my field (school psychologist) to open up. I literally have no choice but to wait, and it is such an awkward feeling at times. For the last two days I've been meditating on this daily devotional I read about perspective. At first, it didn't really mean much to me, but as I read it and re-read it and re-re-read it, lights turned on, smoke blew, fans turned, and fireworks erupted. That quick I heard God say to me in my heart,

"...So with you not getting that job in the district you wanted, and now waiting for a position to open up, how are you going to look at the whole situation...?"

Now me being me, my immediate reaction was going to be,

"God, you know good and well how I look at the situation!!"

lol... rather than be rude, I chose to sit and really think about what He said before responding...before I could open my mouth to respond, because YES, I talk to God out loud as if he is sitting right next to me... :-) He said,

"...Don't see the door that didn't open for you as a denial. It's all about how you choose to look at it. Truly this means that I have something much greater in store for you. This isn't me saying 'no', this is me saying, 'wait...IT GETS BETTER!' Just wait..."

My dears, what more can you say when God tells you something like that? Immediately afterward, I started to talk to myself and begin training my mind to see not just this situation with my job, but everything going on in my life, from another perspective. I'm learning to understand that doors closing, missed opportunities, and discouraging experiences are part of life, BUT...there's no need to be sad and depressed about it because God has my whooooole life in his hands, so I'll be just fine! Take it from me, a girl who is daily learning to walk by faith...everything will work out to be just fine, it's all in how you choose to look at things! :-)

Lessons Learned In Lemons

2011-01-25T00:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, I woke up first thing in the morning to find an email stating that I had not gotten the school psychologist job which I applied for at the end of my program in school. I was looking to secure a position in a certain urban school district in New Jersey before I graduated in December. I prayed when I first applied and I confidently said to God that I believed He would open the door for me to get the job. I waited, and waited, and waited, and finally...nothing. As I read the email from the district's special education supervisor yesterday morning, I didn't get upset or angry. I was certainly disappointed to know that I now have to go back to continuing this arduous job search, but yet I felt ok...in fact, I felt good! It took me a moment at first to really digest what happened, but afterward I felt fine. With that email, I also got a text from a friend basically asking me if I wanted to explore other jobs while I waited to be hired in a school district. I thought things through for about three seconds, and then I realized that there was nothing to think through...the answer was NO! I reflected in my mind how God steadily made supernatural doors open for me in school; how he moved professors out the way while putting certain ones in place, all for my good. I reflected on how he has carried me my entire 27 years of life; how he has saved me from serious illnesses, how he has been such an awesome provider, friend..my everything. Knowing all of this about God, I know He wouldn't clear the way for me to get through 4 long years of graduate school just to leave me hanging. When I first got in the program I enrolled in, the point was to be a psychologist in a school. There is absolutely no way I am going to do anything "in the mean time" while I wait for God to open a door for me. I have been blessed enough to still be well provided for though my internship is now over, so it's not like I'm seeing hard times or anything. I guess it's more a matter of am I willing to trust God to come through for me based on all that I have known Him to be throughout my life. My dears, when you don't know who God is, or haven't take time to get to know him, you risk feeling really silly trying to pray and trust in someone you don't know. This whole trust thing is two fold when it comes to God. He says in his word that He wants us to trust Him and He'll work things out for us; however, you have to get to know Him to be able to trust Him in the first place! It's like asking a stranger to hold $1000 for you while you go run an errand. We both know good and well that none of us would ever do such a thing simply because we couldn't trust a stranger as far as we could throw them! Now, were you to ask a close friend, family member, etc., to hold your money, you'd be fine and not think twice because you know them, interacted with them previously, and therefore they've proven that they can be trusted with your things. It works the same way with God! I'm trusting God for a psychologist position in the right school district because we have a relationship and God has proven Himself to be a miracle working God in my life, time and time again. I share my "lemon" experience in order to challenge some of you dears to learn to trust God...get to know Him...He's really cool...He's VERY dependable, and He always comes through, right on time ;-) I'm not worried, so neither should you!

Worth...less or more...?

2011-01-24T01:37:00.004-05:00

I was going back and forth in my mind regarding if I should talk about guys yet, or hair...I'm still wondering which direction to go in first...Eventually, I will speak on both, but I'm just trying to think of which one to get on with to start. Ok, ok...we'll go with guys first! lol... Can I just exhale really quickly....MY GOSH, what a year 2010 has been in the man department. I wish there was a manual to instruct on the best way to deal with the male species. They need tech support numbers, or drop down menus, or a help desk...something! Now, I'm not talking about them in the sense that I don't understand them...it's not that...it's the fact that some of them truly exasperate me with their behavior. Let me see how I can phrase these next few sentences without implicating some of my readers, or making them feel some type of way. Ok,....so, this may sound really conceited but it isn't! Stay with me, you'll see where I'm going. Last year I felt as if some guys did not recognize or appreciate my worth. As a result, they did things in a "sub-par" manner when it came to dealing with me because they did not truly understand my importance. There's no need for me to get into details and specific occurrences because that part is irrelevant. Last year I found myself doing great things for guys, but they didn't do their part to reciprocate. Mind you, while I never give or do things with the intentions of getting something in return, I do believe that when you have something of worth in your possession, you're supposed to go out of your way to take care of it because it's valuable. I found myself getting frustrated and upset within myself in dealing with certain guys last year because I felt like they were taking me for granted and treating me like village folk! In talking to a good friend of mine recently, I've come to now understand that it's a man's role to make a women that he truly desires feel special, and if he is unwilling to do such, I shouldn't stand for it, or anything less. My dear ladies, I say this to you also, a guy is so underserving of your time, air, & breathing space if he is just going to treat you like everybody else. You are NOT just a regular chick! You're valuable, and if the man is interested in you, but is not willing to treat you how you should be treated, even in doing little things, i.e., opening doors for you, paying for your meals like how you offer to pay for his...OH YUP! that too...lol, treating you like a lady, making sure you're safe, secure...then why bother wasting time with him?! If he hardly does anything now, and you all are talking or dating, please believe the "hardly anything" will become NOTHING if you decide to keep accepting such behavior. You see, it took me talking to one of my male friends to open my eyes to see how I should be treated! I really wasn't thinking about it before, and as a result, I was letting so much lame behavior from guys slide by. Now that I've been made aware of certain things and actions, there's just some occurrences that I am unwilling to tolerate. Ladies again, if you're willing to invest much into someone you like, the guy should be willing to do that and so much more for you! If he's missing the mark, kindly decline and keep it moving...You're deserving of the best!

The Tunnel Has an End

2011-01-23T12:38:00.000-05:00

Alrighty, time to play catch up...let's see what I can tell you about me since I've been gone. Oh, on December 22, 2010, I turned 27, I completed the internship portion of my program in School & Community Psychology, which also meant that I graduated a 4 year course of study with all of my arms, legs, and sanity still intact. Oh my baby Jesus, what a journey that was! I now have my Bachelors, Masters, and Educational Specialist Degree...but I tell you, I can't count the amount of times that I wanted to quit the program and pursue other things, like beauty school enrollment back in 2007, and wanting to just become a teacher in 2008. I wanted to be done with everything because I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel for anything! In fact, I wondered at times if they just closed down the exit to the tunnel and decided not to give me the memo! My gosh, what a long, long, long four years it was. When I initially started this program back in 2006, I was led to believe that it would only take two years to complete. I thought to myself that 2 years was a cake walk, and I'd be done in no time. HA! Had I known at the start of the program that it would have cost me 4 years instead of 2, do you think I would have even considered the option?! ALL TOGETHER NOW....NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :-) I tried to think of every reason why I should quit, but I could only come up with reasons why I shouldn't! I tell you, it was God, Himself who got me through that program. I can stand here today as an example that you should not give up, ever, ever, ever! If you happen to be struggling with one of those types of moments where you feel as if you cannot take another millisecond of that course, that job, that marriage, your walk with God, do me a favor...make a list! List all the reasons why you want to give up, then after getting all of that out of your system, go ahead and list all the reasons why you shouldn't give up on the situation....I bet you I know which list will outweigh the other! If nothing else, remember that giving up is taking the easy way out. It must never be a consideration, or a thought...God said specifically that WE are more than conquerors. Although in the bible that verse was addressed toward a particular group of people, I also interpret the word WE to mean...God and I, so together WE WIN...YOU WIN...YOU'LL MAKE IT THROUGH JUST FINE!
Yay for me, I made it to the end, and now...you're looking at a school psychologist for the state of New Jersey...and now a soon-to-be Doctoral Student...AHHH!! MORE SCHOOL! ;-)

...Miss Giselle?!

2011-01-22T23:15:00.000-05:00

Guess who's back! You guys like my play on words with my blog post title? For those of you who are running on low battery, allow me to explain...it can be read two ways!! Miss Giselle, like the name...or Miss Giselle, like did you miss me?! :-) I bet you dears were wondering where I've been all this time. Ok, I won't make excuses, I'll be completely honest and let you all know where I've been this whole time. HERE! I've been here! I feel so guilty too for just being here and not writing, not saying anything. I tell ya, if my blog were a kid, Child Protective Services would have taken it from me already! I haven't been a good steward, and I've been very neglectful toward this page. At one time, this page was my baby, my cherished seed, where I could share my hopes, dreams, struggles, triumphs, and set-backs. I am not sure exactly what happened where I kind of lost interest in everything. I started this website 4 years ago with the intentions of being transparent with the world for the purposes of reaching someone with my story. Oh boy did I land on an epic fail by just letting the poor blog sit here. I wonder if websites can gather dust. If so, I'm going to need a broom, Lysol, a dustpan, a gas mask, some gummy bears, a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter! What? Don't look at me like that, I'll get hungry while I wipe down the page! :-) I had a sesame street flashback there... Anyhoo, back to the subject at hand...I apologize to you my dears for being M.I.A for such an extended period of time. It's one thing to miss a day or a week or two, but months on end is just inexcusable. I'll do my best to update you all on what's been going on both inside and outside of my head since September 2010. I'm back yall! LET'S GET IT GOING!

Clear the Way, I'm Coming Through!

2010-09-20T09:15:00.003-04:00

So, there's three more years left in 2010, and I have ALOT going on!! Ahhhhh!! I'm trying to keep my life organized with all of the stuff I have coming up, but man it is not easy. I can say for sure that the next three years of my life will be a complete walk of faith. I feel like I am being stretched to my very core, and it is not comfortable!!! This year marks the end of my four years of coursework in my school psychology program. As of December, I can officially take on the title of Licensed School Psychologist. As of December, I can apply for a position of my own without working directly under the watchful eye of my own supervisor. As of December, I can start applying to Doctoral programs to get my PsyD as a School Psychologist. These things sound all well and good, right? Ok, well here's the thing. In the state of NJ, where I currently live and work, there's been a host of budget cuts to the field of Education. As a result, in a field that was once considered secure for future educators, administrators, and support staff, is now considered to be a shaky and unstable field. When I first entered the school psychology program four years ago, my program advisor assured me that school psychologists would have no problems getting a job. Fast forward to right now....in the district where I am interning and hoping to work full time, just experienced some of the worst layoffs in the entire state of NJ! According to reports, our district not only has a hiring freeze, but a pay freeze! Basically, they're saying that there's no jobs available in any area of education, and if you already work there, you can't get a raise. Ummm....yeah... Can you imagine my brain as I sat in my interning school and witnessed the teachers, and other child study team members who I see everyday get lay off letters with no hopes of future rehiring?? It's crazy to witness! Even more crazy to sit and listen to negative speech day in and day out regarding the present state of the job market. I cannot believe that this is happening when I am just about to finish my program and get into the job market!! I'm like, God what happened to the assurances when I first got into the program?! God why does this have to happen when I step into the program?! From the natural scheme of things, I can question God until I sweat blood about why things seem to be spiraling out of hand when it's time for me to get an actual job in the field. However, given my past experiences in my relationship with God, I have come to notice that He allows extreme circumstances to take place so that He could flex his muscles. I honestly feel like God is allowing things to seem dim so that when He opens a supernatural door for me to get a job when everyone else is getting laid off, only HE can get the glory for making a way. I liken this story to Moses and the Israelites when they were standing in front of the Red Sea. In the bible, God deliberately chose to take the Israelites through the non-easy route. Here they are now facing the ocean with no visible path to escape the Egyptians and God is saying don't worry, I'll make a way! I bet the Israelites were thinking,

"Ok God, I understand you'd make a way...but ummm...where??? when? how?!!!"

Well, lo' and behold, at the eleventh hour, God tells Moses to stretch forth his hands and an unexpected path is revealed...THROUGH THE RED SEA!!!!!! I bet those Israelites would never have guessed in a million years that the way God spoke about would be one that only He could create! :-) Right now, I feel like an Israelite! God keeps speaking to my heart and telling me to rest in Him, because He's going to make a way for me to get a job that will just blow my mind! In the natural scheme of things, I don't see how, but I'm using every ounce of my faith to trust what God says. My Red Sea is the lay offs and the hiring freeze...but even in the midst of all that, God will make a way for me! Whatever Red Sea it is that you all are facing...lack of a job, lack of finances, whatever... know that God is able to LITERALLY and figuratively make a way out of what seems to be no way. Be encouraged! :-)

...But I'm Not Sick!

2010-09-09T01:29:00.005-04:00

You know, if you happen to have a problem with a particular person, it is in my humble opinion that such a problem should remain confined between you and that person. Why should all others in your life take on the issues that you are facing with someone else, especially when it has nothing to do with them?! I can totally understand if a member of your family was mistreated or is having a tiff with someone on the outside; by default you become automatically involved because family sticks together and should support each other. However, I do believe that within the context of friendship, if a friend of mine is having an issue with a mutual friend to us both, I should not have to take on that issue as my own personal problem as well. Again, this is just my opinion! Ok, look at it from another perspective. If you're my friend, and you're sick, who should be the one taking medication to get better?? I'll wait....ok... EXACTLY!! (lol..as if I heard you actually answering that question!) If I'm not sick, I will not take medicine for a problem I do not have. What I will do is nurse my ailing friend back to health and be there to support him/her, but I refuse to drink medicine for another person's problem. In the same way, I don't expect any one of my friends to take on my personal issues with another person as their own. In my opinion, it is not fair, and shows partiality. I believe that we are all to look at things from a fair and as unbiased of a perspective as possible. Therefore, if the person that you are having a problem with has not offended me personally, then I have no reason to shun them or behave partial toward them. It really blows my mind how there are so many unwarranted issues in the world today simply because people are passing judgements and developing hostile feelings toward matters that are of no concern to them. Again, my dears, don't go drinking medicine for other people's problems! If it's not your issue, don't get involved. As a friend, the best thing that you can do is be a support and a listening ear to the person who is going through their issues with another. In the event that your friend tries to give you their medicine to take regarding THEIR issue, kindly take a step back and say, "...But I'm Not Sick!" Use wisdom my lovelies ;-)

Could I Be Dreaming??

2010-09-06T23:02:00.005-04:00

You ever feel like God has encoded a message to you in one of your dreams? Well, that was me last night. Actually, at 4 am this morning! I had two very different dreams...one related to me, and one regarding someone else I know. Both dreams were very real, very eye-opening...especially the one that was regarding me. I dream all the time, by the way! I dream all kinds of strangely different things! My dreams range from my house being made solely of chocolate and cookies, to things crawling under my skin. Yes, very strangely different dreams indeed. For the most part I can remember general information about what I've dreamt, but nothing to alert the media about. There are those rare instances that are far and few between where my dreams have been so clear that it felt as if it was actual reality. I could recall everything going on with my five senses as if it were a literal part of my life!! Last night I had one of those dreams, and it wasn't a bad experience by any means! In fact, it was actually a pretty amazing dream! I'm not going to get into the play by play of what happened, so to sum it all up, I basically dreamt someone from my past who I had a crush on in high school. I was the nerdy little underclassman, and he was the handsome senior (2 years older than me) who was personable and well liked by everyone. When I was in high school, he spoke to me a few times, but nothing to rave about. Well, in my dream it was present day and he walked into a house that I was sitting in! Just like that! He saw me, his eyes widened, jaw dropped open, said,

"Oh my God, I found you!"

then softly kissed my forehead, my temple, and my cheek!! It was a shocking moment cause I couldn't believe our paths would have ever crossed in a million years!! I did experience some hostility and hateration from a friend of mine who was in the dream too, but WHATEVER! lol! All of that shade she was throwing paled in comparison to that one moment the guy and I experienced. I'm telling you, I remember what he had on, the colors of his suit, the fabric texture (lol), his scent, the slight sweat that was glistening on his nose, how his hair looked, all of that! Speechless! This was by no means a nightmare whatsoever! lol!! We sat and talked for what felt like hours, and my mere was there, and Geremy was there, and it was soo cool! He was actually interested in me! When I was about to wake up, the dream started to end too, so I asked him if we would be exchanging numbers to keep in touch, because again, I never, ever, ever, EVER, would have thought that our paths would cross. What blew my mind was his response to my question...he said,

"This is going to sound very strange to you, but no, we're not going to exchange numbers because I know we'll can't get enough of each other. I know I'm not on Facebook, Myspace, or anywhere online for you to contact me, but rest assured that I will find you. I'm going to find you again..."

Now ordinarily, my reaction to something like that would be,

"HOW?!! You're not ANYWHERE online, and you don't have any of my information!!"

However, for some reason in the dream when he said that to me, I literally remember me exhaling quietly with no worry or frustration, and saying

"ok, cool..."

Then I woke up!! I woke up with my brain sooo full! I wasn't frustrated or anything, but my thoughts were all over the place! I wondered why did I dream this guy after not even thinking about him since I left high school in 2001! Without fail, every time I have dreamt experiences that are as crystal clear as this one was, I know that it wasn't because I was full the night before...lol! I somehow feel like God placed a message in that dream. It's not even like He's "trying" to tell me something, cause God doesn't have to "try" to do anything! If he wants to get a message across plainly, He'll do it. However, there are instances where He'll have a message for you, and He'll almost give you a piece of it to capture your attention, but it's so you can go to Him and seek Him to learn what the rest of it is. This dream may have nothing at all to do with the specific guy from high school; however, I do feel like it has to do with someone that is not in the picture right now. That's about all I can figure out. I will say that early yesterday morning, God did tell me that He's about to switch some things up on me, and not in a negative sense but in an amazing way. You don't need to know the rest of that conversation...but somehow I see all this like pieces of a giant puzzle, and the only way I'll know where each piece goes is to sit down and talk to the one who created the puzzle...God, Himself. It is a little nerve wracking to not know what is about to come up next, but it's ok! Like Allstate insurance,

"I'm in good hands..." :-)

My world in 2005- Part 6

2010-08-30T12:28:00.001-04:00

APRIL 9, 2010- Blog Entry

I need to address a very serious and important issue. It pertains to a growing dilemma that is seriously affecting students who attend high schools and colleges all across the world. The issue in which I speak about concerns “That Student.”
Every class in every college and high school across the world has “That Student.” You know, it’s the overachieving, behind kissing student who feels the need to dot everybody else’s “Is” and cross everyone’s “Ts” and basically goes all out to make sure that any class that you have with them will be the most excruciating, painful, deafening experience of your educational career. “That Student.” is the one who asks the teacher/professor to please assign EXTRA homework, or wants to ask that LAST question or make that LAST comment 30 seconds before you’re supposed to get out of the class; usually the question and/or comment is 5 minutes long resulting in a mass desire of everyone in the class to want to eliminate or take out “That Student.” Even the professors/teachers get sick of “That Student.” to the point where they mentally erase them from the class so that whenever they raise their hand with one of their ANALyzing comments they mysteriously do not see their hand or see them AT ALL for that matter.
No one likes “That Student.” When “That Student.” walks into a room faces drop, sorrow arises and pestilence comes. It’s like the final plague of Moses’ “Let my People Go” story has entered the room and everyone has suddenly been struck with a serious illness. You feel life and energy just being sucked out of you whenever “That Student.” comes to class. If you hear a sudden flood of profanity or use of the phrase "OH MAN! Why Lord, why?" Then you know “That Student.” is near.  You know, it’s a wonder how “That Student.” manages to get through a semester or school year without ever being sick! They never get sick; never have a cold or even so much as the sniffles. They are always in perfect health. With all of the wishes of meningitis, tuberculosis and pneumonia being directed towards “That Student.” through the minds of their fellow class mates, its amazing how they are even alive farless in top health. We don’t want to kill “That Student.” we just want them to suffer like how they make us suffer on a constant basis.
If you are reading this and you fit any of the previously described characteristics of the aforementioned person, then you have reason to be concerned because you are “That Student.”

How dare you torture us?! What could possibly be running through your mind to want to cause such pain and grief to the people around you? Have you no soul?? Why do you ALWAYS have something to say? Is there a club where a bunch of you guys meet to discuss how you are going to torture your classmates? Even your teachers/professors don’t like you! Please, I beg of you…STOP THE ABUSE! This cannot go on! You are ruining our educational experience. I mean it already sucks, but geez do you have to run it straight into the ground?! Professors/teachers are taking on 2nd jobs in other places just to alleviate the stress they experience from not only dealing with you, but just seeing you on a CONSTANT basis. STOP, just STOP! Do us all a favor and save your torture tactics for your parents and siblings at home. I’m sure they will appreciate all of the intensely boring information that you have to share because NEWSFLASH....We don't!! You will thank me for letting you in on this information later!

If you have experience any mental or physical trauma because of “That Student.” please start a USUCSBOTS at your local university (University Students Under Constant Stress Because of That Student) and give “That Student.” a taste of his or hers own medicine!

My world in 2005- Part 5

2010-08-28T12:25:00.000-04:00

APRIL 8, 2005- Blog Entry

I just had to quickly recap my GRE Subject test experience that took place on Saturday. Basically, I have no words to describe just how hard that test was. If you ask me, that exam is right up there on my list between getting my FIVE wisdom teeth pulled and Mere (my mother) making me drink two tablespoons of non-diluted Castor Oil from the ages of 7 to 14 just to “clean me out.”…well that Castor Oil incident actually turned from hard to soft, if you know what I mean…That test was crazy! It was as if the divorced and single GRE Psychology board member people sat together one cold night in Starbucks and out of revenge and frustration for the human race said, “Guys lets ask those ‘tards Psychology questions about things we know they haven’t learned.” And I’d say that out of the 205 Psychology test questions that these people managed to cipher against me, I probably knew about 5 of those 205 questions…and I’m a Psychology Major! Either my professors really suck at teaching or I stopped listening in class my sophomore year. Talk about feeling like an idiot though! Only three people which included me showed up to take that exam on Saturday. The only thing the Proctor forgot to give me was a stool and a dunce hat to wear. It’s all good though. We’ll see whose laughing last when I get married by 25 and they’re still single. Oh, and don’t even let me get started on the parking situation in Newark’s downtown “University District.” Whoever came up with the parking regulations for the streets down there needs to be demoted to street cleaning ASAP. It was ridiculous. Let me break it down for you…my test was at 8:30 AM on Saturday at Essex County College in Newark in case you didn’t yet catch that. ECC, Rutgers and NJIT are basically all in blocks of each other. Every block is a One way so if you happen to go down the wrong block, you basically have to circle the entire city of Newark just to get back to where you were. In the words of our guest minister in church today “Now stay with me here, I’m taking you somewhere with this!” So picture me, never having been down this University district place looking for ECC early in the morning in the rain or a one way street. I’m driving, I’m driving, OH SHOOT, THERE’S ESSEX COUNTY!! The streets are empty so I say perfect; I can park right next to the campus….WRONG!!! Here’s the parking regulation sign that greeted me:

Well it didn’t say this exactly, but they might as well have said that seeing how I couldn’t Stop or Stand on any Street from 6:30-9:30 AM or Park MON, WED, FRI from 6:30 AM to 6:30 PM. What is the big idea??? Where was I supposed to park?? In the ECC student center? And from what I saw ECC only had parking for handicap people and their school faculty…WHAT?! So you mean unless I’m missing a limb or work for the school I can’t park anywhere?? I’m getting steamed just thinking about it…I’m just glad this entire experience is over with.

My world in 2005- Part 4

2010-08-25T12:21:00.002-04:00

APRIL 5, 2005- Blog Entry

You know what I’ve learned in this past weekend?? Not everything you see that is good is necessarily good for you…no, let me rephrase that so as not to offend the perfect or self-righteous people… Not everything that I see that is good is necessarily good for me! You see, I’m one of those benefit-of-the-doubt people who tends to think at times that whenever I encounter something good, whether it be a Guy, a Clothing Sale, a New Person in Church who I view as a potential friend, Anything at all, I automatically think that it’s good for me. The painful truth is that it’s not all good for me! Here’s my case in point…I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a bunch of different guys who are saved, love God, are overall good people, but NOT GOOD FOR ME! There’s even this one guy right now, let’s call him “Trent,” who is a real cool guy. He’s saved, loves God, loves people, all that jazz! A few people in church have even approached me about Trent and said how they believe that he is a good guy for me or they had a dream or a vision about him and I being together. Yeah…all that’s great, but I am not feeling Trent like that AT ALL! I have tried to view him in another light, but much to my dismay, he’s the same guy no matter what light I look at him under. I’ve even tried to carry on an extended conversation with Trent and to tell you the truth; I’ve had more fun talking to the shoes in my closet! Therein lies my point…Trent is a good guy, no doubt about it and will make some special girl very happy one day, but Trent is not good for ME! I am honestly very satisfied being single right now and I know that that is a good place to be (although I NEVER stop praying for my future man). I also know that the time has come for me to meet new people, including new young men, one of which could potentially end up being my husband…this is also fine…but I am not just settling for something…good. I want the best for me! God’s very best for me! Why settle for the burger and fries when you can just curb your appetite for a little while longer while the main course is being cooked and then later have filet mignon and steamed vegetables…Now that is what I’m talking about! I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past by jumping into good situations, but those good situations end up turning bad because they weren’t good for me. Me? I’m learning to let go and let God choose out the best things for me, because in doing so, I really have nothing to worry about and plus it saves me a ton of energy!

My world in 2005- Part 3

2010-08-23T12:17:00.003-04:00

MARCH 28, 2005- Blog Entry

I just made my first post on this website called www.barlowgirl.net introducing myself to everyone. I’ve been reading the posts on the site there for so long and I felt it was high time that I become a part of it all. I’m taking the time to mention this site because it’s one of the few websites on the internet that displays a very profitable message for young people. Here’s the philosophy as stated by the founding member Candace:

“WHAT'S A BARLOWGIRL?  First and foremost, we are CHRISTIANS, intent on loving God with our whole hearts.  ….We are girls that have chosen to love God with all our heart, mind, & body”

The website is for girls/young women who are “committed to purity of heart, mind & body.” That declaration is so awesome to me! The majority of young women on the website have chosen to remain virgins until marriage and to not do the whole dating thing as a step of faith and trust in God that he will in the perfect time send the right guys into their lives. I too have made this step of faith. I am a virgin at 21 years of age and very proud of it! I wasn’t always proud though. You know when you’re younger the kind of mess that you have to put up with does not make you feel proud to be going against the norm and not having sex. Well, I went against the norm. In fact I think I may have pushed NORM down the stairs and killed him because in addition to not ever having sex with anyone…I’ve never been in a real relationship! Yes, it’s true. I’ve never had a real boyfriend. Now I don’t count those secret crushes and those “do you like me, check yes or check no boyfriends” that I’ve had like every other young girl at 12, 13 & 14 years old, because if that is the case then I have had 27+ boyfriends!! Relationship with a guy to me means exclusive commitment of your heart, your time, your body, etc. Now you see that…I’VE NEVER HAD! I am guilty of something though which I still regret to this very day…I kissed a “check yes, check no, boyfriend” when I was 14. To many of you this is not a big deal, but to me and maybe some of the ladies on barlowgirl, that is a big deal. I wish I never did it, but I was so busy trying to get experience to be like everybody else that I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I didn’t know that years later at 21, that I would want to save everything for my future husband including my first kiss, because if so I would never have kissed that boy. But, alas! I did it, it wasn’t great, and I haven’t kissed anyone since. I have the utmost respect and honor for God and for my future husband (wherever he may be), which is why I have asked God to protect and guard my heart until he shows me who he has for me. This means that until I get into a relationship with the man that is to become my husband, I am not going to date around or get into any kind of compromising situation with a guy that will make me mess up. I don’t want to “talk” or “chill” or “go out” with anyone that is not my future mate. You see, I know myself. I know that if I were to get into a relationship with a guy right now that I am not supposed to be in, I will end up falling for him hard and quick. When I love, I love hard and with everything within me. Why subject myself to unnecessary heartbreak, hurt, and pain when I could just wait on God to send the right guy who will be my first, last and only??

I say all of that to say this…I’m not one to waver. I am a Christian and I love God with everything within me. These are my standards and my personal beliefs which I choose NOT to compromise on. Everyone believes something different, but this is some of what I believe (if I were to get into all of what I believe let’s see… do you have a month to spare??). I don’t knock other people’s personal values. This is what works for me therefore I am sticking with it. I have made it this far with these standards and my faith in God and I will keep moving ahead until it’s my turn to get my man (Oooh la la!!)

I encourage all of you, especially you young ladies who may read this and believe God for a husband to visit www.barlowgirl.net. You will be blessed by the site…I assure you!

If this post stepped on your toes or offended you, remember this is my life, my story, my turn…But DO come back now ya’ here!

My world in 2005- Part 2

2010-08-21T12:04:00.001-04:00

MARCH 24, 2005- Blog Entry

Well, its my first entry ever on this online world and I am excited but a little nervous mainly because I don't know if I will update often. I will do my very best though. Its something, but I've never been interested in making my private life public...that is until now. After months of admiring my brother's website HYPERLINK "http://www.geremology.com" www.geremology.com I decided that it was time for me to put myself out there and come up with my own. He's really funny and always has a funny story to tell. If you're having a bad day and you need something to make you smile, make an appointment to have a session of Geremology and you'll be smiling for the rest of the day. I on the other hand am a bit different. I don't really know how to describe what type of person I am. I mean I love to laugh! I am always laughing at something, but there is another side of me that is a bit more serious. That side of me considers my future, who I am going to marry, what type of job I'll have, when I'll move out of my parents house, etc. That side
of me is more...
real
for lack of a better word. I'm always thinking about something. Even when I'm talking to people, I always have other things on my mind that I am focusing on. Now don't get me wrong and mistake my constant "focusing” for worrying. I choose not to worry because 1) it’s a sin. …If worry can't do little things…what's the use of worrying over bigger things? Luke 12:26. I don’t DO worrying. I DO think though. I think a lot. I mean A LOT. There are so many things going on in my life right now that I have no choice but to think (I’ll get into that later )
But like I said there are two sides of me and on this site…you’re going to see them both.
Stay tuned…

My world in 2005- Part 1

2010-08-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness, I am so very excited!!! I was searching through my external hard drive and suddenly came upon old blog entries from 2005 when I had the gisnik.blogspot.com username!! I'm going to post some entries over the next couple of days so that you can see what was going on in my world back then!! Here we go!!

JUNE 12, 2005- Blog Entry

Last week Sunday afternoon, I came home from church and decided to take a nap. About an hour into my sleep, I heard this extremely loud BOOM! First I thought I was dead...then I flew up. Then I thought it was fire crackers, but when I didn't hear any people or cars around celebrating anything, I thought the Rapture took place and I was left behind. But then it came to me that I didn't do anything wrong. "shoot! I'm living right, so this can't be the rapture," and plus I'm supposed to hear trumpets, not explosions!! I looked outside my bedroom window to see what all the ruckus was about (yes, I used the word ruckus) and I saw some of my family outside as well as 6 police cars and 4 fire trucks. I ran outside after that because I thought my house was on fire. Outside I noticed that everyone was looking up. At this point I'm thinking, Oh man, the sky is falling! It turns out that the sky was not falling; a "fiber optic transformer" thing exploded, caught on fire, and was slowly burning down the pole...

Fast forward to today.

My family and I were hanging out in our pool for a while, but then we had to put some chemicals in the water to clean it up so we got out. The potions that we mixed together to pour in the pool were waaaay overestimated. We mixed too much together and it created an explosion in the bucket that we put it in. Boom!! We started to smell a foul and very toxic odor. I felt as if my lungs were peeling and the skin under my tongue which connects it to my mouth was sizzling. I had chronic smoker for half an hour.

What is with my Sundays suddenly become so explosive??

Back For More...!!

2010-08-17T12:47:00.003-04:00

Alright, beat me with many stripes for being absent for so long! I think this stands as record timing for being away from my blog. It hasn't been weeks, it's been months!! I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS!! I probably lost faithful readers because of my absence, but I'll do my best to get them back, and hopefully capture some new ones. So, a few updates on my life...presently I am on summer vacation from work as a school psychologist!! Yup, that's right! After four long, arduous years of work in Seton Hall University's School & Community Psychology Program, I will finally receive my certification this coming December. Oh, and the fun doesn't end there! In January I will be applying to several doctoral programs to earn my PsyD as a School Psychologist. At first I was saying, there is just absolutely no way that I am going through any more school, but hey...the doctoral program is just three years, and I figure if I can make it through these last four, then I can certainly put in three more...by the time I'm done with ALLLLLLLLLLL my schooling, I'll be 30. Oh, and in case none of you all know, I am 26 years old now, soon to be 27 by the end of the year. Time is definitely flying! What else? Well as you can tell from the two photos below, I have lost some weight AND managed to grow my hair to a reasonable length in a relatively short period of time. What else? Oh, how can I forget the guy department?! After all, that has been a pretty significant part of my life over the last few years. I must say, in this year alone I have been on the ride of my life!! lol! I have encountered all kinds of different guys, and boy am I spent! lol... I can't really explain what is going on as of right now, but all I can say is stay tuned!! Ahhhh!! :-) Now go look at my photos! :-)

Public Privacy

2010-05-12T12:06:00.001-04:00

Some people may not actually like what I have to say right now, HOWEVER might I please remind you that because we are all entitled to our own opinion, I’m going to exercise that freedom right now…It annoys me to no end when people join social networks (which will remain nameless), and then complain about too many people being in their personal affairs! I mean, really? Come on! Allow me to point out a few things. Firstly, from the moment you sign up for any social networking site, you FREELY consent to becoming part of a World wide population of people who will one way or another see certain things about you. There is no way to be completely one hundred percent private on the internet! As far as I know, it isn’t possible. It’s a whole world on it’s own, hence the reason it’s called the WORLD WIDE WEB! You cannot expect to join a public network and then get upset if people look into your stuff! That’s like going out into the middle of Time Square and telling people not to look at you. Really?! Really?! REALLY?! Yes there are nosey people in the world who will want to know all about your business, but hey that happens in person too. You knew that you would be susceptible to such things when you initially signed up to these various networking sites. People kill me with how they willfully put themselves out into the internet world and then get upset when the inquisitive folks come to check them out too. That’s life! There’s nosey people in real life, nosey people living next door to you, nosey people going to work with you, nosey people going to church with you, but yet we build a bridge and get over it and accept the fact that it is what it is! Might I suggest to some of you dears that if you don’t want people in your business, don’t put yourself online then. For me personally, I used to get upset too when I found out people were all in my business from my social pages and from this blog. However, a light bulb came on when I realized that I am the one who put myself out there to the world, so I can’t complain when people come to look! It’s what I signed up for! In everything, we have to learn to take the good with the not so good. I know people try to check for me, but you know what, it’s okay! I just add them to the list of fans that I have in my head… All I’m saying is relax and take responsibility for putting yourself out there. That is all…now if this does not apply to you, then smile and nod. If it does apply, remember I say it all with love :-)

Women vs. Women

2010-05-10T11:40:00.000-04:00

I don’t understand why some women have such a hard time complimenting each other? I don’t get it at all! When I see a fellow female accomplish something or looks nice, or whatever I make it a point to say something positive to them! It makes me happy to encourage someone and make them feel good. Too bad other women don’t share the same ideals in regards to empowering other women! Geez…it’s the most annoying thing in the world to walk past a female who gives you the “h2t” stare (head to toe) and then give the turned up nose with the stank face. What is that about?! Why can’t some women just be happy for others? I think it has to do with an insecurity thing. Maybe some women can’t handle the success of other women or even the fact that they dress really nice and look their best. Perhaps that causes them to feel threatened! As a result, these types of women would sooner dish out a criticism or point out a fault than say something nice. It’s too bad, you know? If we as women would be more supportive of our peers we would get along so much better.

Hair Issues!

2010-04-20T03:38:00.000-04:00

I'm having hair issues! I have a confession to make...I am not comfortable wearing my real hair out and down in public. DON'T JUDGE ME! See, here's my problem... I'm so used to wearing braids, weaves, wigs, all that jazz, that I now have no zeal or idea how to deal with my own hair. For years I have worked hard at growing out my hair long, and in 2007 I started to succeed. However, after a trip to Trinidad complete with multiple run ins with salt water and luxuriating (Wendy word...lol) on the beaches, my long hair took a hard blow and experienced serious breakage. I took all of 2008 to grow out my hair in hopes of being completely natural. In January 2009, I took the plunge and chopped off all of my relaxed hair to deal with the natural texture. I really tried my hardest to work with what was on my head! I really did! I took pictures and put it on here and everything! Click here to see more of what I had. I couldn't handle my hair in its natural state so I decided to relax it in June 2009. From that point to present, I have been keeping my hair in hiding...why?? Because I'm just not comfortable. 90% of the time, my hair is in a bun. Very rarely do I wear my own hair out, unless I've just come from the hair salon with a touch-up. In those cases, I'll wear the blown-out style as it was done in the salon for the remainder of the day, then it goes back in hiding. It also doesn't help that the first person who relaxed my hair after I decided to go back to straight, under processed it. Every touch-up since then has been poorly done. Now, when I wash my hair, I have a giant wavy afro! I'm thinking that I'm uncomfortable with my own hair because I have no idea how to style it on my own. My hair is naturally fine and to me it's very delicate, so I kind of shy away from manipulating it. I know I can't keep hiding my hair forever...I know, I know....Gimme a minute, I'll figure this out and soon learn to accept what I have.

Check your Blind Spot...

2010-04-18T12:20:00.001-04:00

Aw man! Don't you just wish that you could make decisions for some people?? Like, literally make them do the right thing for their own good? (Sigh) I bet this is exactly what God feels like when he tells us something and we don't listen, but do our own thing. Listen my dears, while some of us may know this, others may not, so I'll say it AGAIN...
Never claim to know everything! None of us have arrived! None of us have such good vision that we can see every single, solitary aspect of the circumstances that we're in. We need people in our lives to help us see! Look at it this way...if you're driving a car, although you have windows to see outside, there's always a small spot towards the side of the car that you can't see. That's the blind spot! Many accidents happen because motorists think they have a 360 degree view of their car so they can go turn, and switch lanes however they want. The reality is that they really can't see every part of their surroundings! No one has eyes all around their head! In the same way, in our own lives we need people to help us see in the blind spots. There's no way to be alert regarding every detail of your life, that's why you have friends and family who care about you to keep you up on those things. With that being said, what do you do when you point out something potentially dangerous in a person's blind spot and they don't want to do anything about it? It's downright painful to watch people you care about make decisions that you just know will turn out to be bad ones! While you never want to tell people what to do, you certainly want to be as much help to them as much as possible because you want the best for them. I just know that's how God feels! The Great One who sees everything, knows everything, and loves us so much more than we could ever love ourselves...He gives us instructions with our best interest in mind and more often than not, we don't listen! We do our own thing, and thus make bad decisions. Why, do we do that?! Anyhow...I can only pray that when someone advises me regarding the blind spots in my life that I am actually willing to listen...

So Insecure!

2010-04-16T11:22:00.000-04:00

There is nothing worse than an insecure individual! I tell ya, lately I've been dealing with a particular female who has just been making it her business to TRY and make me miserable. I place an emphasis on "TRY" only because I refuse to let her get to me. I must say though that it is very annoying to deal with. I don't think that I've ever come across such garbage like this before. For the most part I'm a fun, easy going person and I do my best to get along with everyone. I would never intentionally run up on someone to try and make them feel bad or engage in malicious behavior against them. That being said, I cannot understand why this particular female would try to do me wrong! Initially, she and I got along rather well. We had similar interests and there was no tension or anything. One day, however, she tried to cross me and get me to do something that I really could not do. I calmly told her that I cannot bend rules and make exceptions for something that is just not right overall. You would think that would be the end of it, right?! Nope! Not once did I ever see the discussion we had as an argument or confrontation. To me, it was a simple misunderstand between two people...and that was that. Lo, and behold, for the weeks that followed, this person would blatantly ignore me. I would say hi to her as usual because there was really no ill feelings, and she would go out of her way to ignore me. I'm talking about purposely walking right in front of me so that she could act as if I wasn't there. I would ask the people around me what was going on because I was really confused! Turns out that she was mad because I didn't let her get her way. I'm sorry she was mad about that, but I certainly saw no need to apologize for the decision that I had to make. Right is right. Anyway, after a while when this person saw that her outright rude behavior wasn't affecting my niceties, she decided she would take a different approach, a malicious approach...and here we are now. I have been doing my best not to combat her "mean girl" attitude with similar actions, because that is just not in my nature. I have no idea why this person goes out of her way to STILL be snooty with me after the initial situation was back in December, but hey...I understand now that her behavior stems from more than just the simple situation that took place. It's clear that she is insecure in herself to want to focus on trying to make my life miserable. Anyone who takes that much time and effort out of their day to frustrate others definitely has a personal problem. I feel like I'm being tested or something because every week she seems to want to take it to another level...but I will kill her with my kindness bat! lol! You better believe it! This person has a next thing coming if she thinks that I'm going to give her what she gives me. As much as insecure people may try to ruin your day or take you to a place that you don't want to go, do not, DO NOT give them the satisfaction, because that is exactly what they're looking for.

Put The Blame on Me...

2010-04-13T10:48:00.005-04:00

Life...everyday there is a lesson to be learned from it. I really have to stay alert because sometimes the greatest of lessons lie in the simplest of everyday experiences. Before I get into that, I have to let you all in on what has been going on. Remember I said I had something kinda big to do in my last entry that I'd speak about later?? Well, the thing I had to do was speak to a young women's group. This was my second time speaking before a group of about 50-60 teenage girls regarding my own personal testimony and it was such an experience! First off, I never thought I had a testimony to begin with! lol...I always thought I had to go through a major negative experience in order for it to be deemed a testimony. I have never been on drugs, never been abused, never had problems in school, none of that stuff. That being said, what can I talk about? I always wondered that! Since then I've come to find out that my life as it is, is a testimony. The fact that God has kept me thus far is a testimony!! I have been through some things, BUT GOD! So yeah, I spoke to the girls about my own life and encouraged them to celebrate who God created them to be. The last time I spoke at their meeting, I covered the topic on how powerful their words are. The greatest blessing is to see that from last year to this year, they remembered everything I told them...and some of them even applied it to their lives! I was humbled and blessed to be a blessing to them.
On the work front, I am still enjoying my job! I love doing what I do. There has been a lot of talks of major layoffs in my district however, due to the wonderful governors hatred for all things education. An estimated 500 something employees are set to be laid off by this coming May, starting with those who are not tenured. However, I am not worried! I know that my position is secure and I know WHOSE I am so I'll be fine! :-)
Alrighty, so let me get back to the point at hand. I am learning that sometimes you have to take the blame in order to save a relationship...if the relationship is worth saving in the first place, of course. Oh, if we can just understand the importance of not having to be right all the time. Yes, sometimes you can be absolutely justified in something you do, or the stance you take on something....however, if it's at the cost of an important relationship, then by all means forget everything and take wrong. There are a few relationships in my life that I have had to let go because they have run their course, but there are one or two that are worth fighting to save. I am always quick to admit when I am wrong about something. I have no problems swallowing my pride and saying

"Put the blame on me!"

Hey, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong...I'll say sorry! Although some people say that those words don't mean much, you'd be surprised at just how powerful they are. Saying "sorry," or "I'm wrong," whether you are or not can save a marriage, a family, or a relationship (i.e., friendship). I'd say that your best bet is to assess the current state of the relationship you're in with the other person and see if the remains of the connection can be saved. If all it takes is you taking the blame, then do it! Now I'm not saying to go trying to reestablish ended relationships with everyone that has exited your life! The fact of the matter is that some people have had their time with you and their time is up...simple as that!

What We Should Want....

2010-03-31T12:28:00.009-04:00

I have to say, I am really proud of myself! I have been consistently writing on my blog for this month and although it's not one entry every day, it's alot better than what I was doing...which was nothing! lol... So now that I've patted my own self on the back, let's move on to other things.

Forgive me for constantly speaking about this whole singlehood business, but you have to understand that whenever I learn something new, I like to share it with you dears. One thing is for sure, I do not know everything there is to know about being single. I have not arrived, nor do I claim to be an expert. My dears, if you are temporarily single like I am, don't ever adopt the mindset that you know all there is to know about being single. There is ALWAYS something new to learn. It's when you stop learning or think you know everything that you suddenly put yourself in a dangerous place. Not good...not good at all! So anyway, I went to my church's Single Hearts class on Sunday and it was such an eye opening experience. I honestly didn't think that I would learn anything new in the class, but maaaan....I had such a lightbulb experience!! So my pastor (daddy) went around the room and asked each person in the class what is one thing that they would like first and foremost in a spouse. Everyone named really good things such as a person who has a high level of faith, a strong person, a confidant, etc. I said that I wanted a man who is secure in who he is. If you know me personally, then you'd know why I desire such a quality. But I digress...So after everyone said their quality, my pastor said,

"...You all stated very good and key qualities, but have any of you ever thought about wanting a spouse who is going in the same direction as you?"

(crickets chirping) (tumbleweed blowing) (water dripping)....lol...

Ok, how come I never even considered that?! When you think about it, you can have a wo/man full of faith, or a strong wo/man who is not interested in going in the same direction as you. That's where those very same qualities that you desire could end up working against you! In my instance, I want a man who is secure in who he is...but that is a recipe for disaster if the secure, confident man that I'm desiring is confidently walking in ANOTHER DIRECTION than I am! Maaaaaan!! lol! I can't speak for everyone else in the class, but I sat in my seat with a ton of lightbulbs going off in my head! What good are any of the qualities I desire in a spouse if it turns out that we are running on totally different agendas! In the class, my pastor also said that it is important to get a vision statement, or some type of idea of where you believe God is taking you in the future. In this way, once you know exactly where you are going or what you're trying to accomplish in life and in Christ, you'll be able to select the right person for you based on that vision. Basically, you should be looking to be with someone who will align with the purpose that God has for your life! Cause really, if you don't know where you're headed, anyone will do! Ain't that deep?! lol...I got that from my pastor too! If you do not have a vision or idea of where you are headed in the future, any confident wo/man, any wo/man of faith, any strong wo/man will do! In all the praying and believing God for the person for me, I never considered being with someone who is going in the same direction as I am. I just never thought about that...I always assumed,

"well once we're together, things will just work..."

How fortunate of me to find out now before I even get married that that is so not the case. How can two people walk together unless they agree, right? Now it makes sense that the two people must agree to walk together in the same direction, otherwise it's problems! It is indeed possible to get all the things you desire in a spouse AND know that they are going in the same direction as you. As I seek God to find out where I am headed both in him and in life, I encourage you to do the same. If you're desiring to be married one day, you sure as heckles better know where you're headed otherwise any wo/man will do. And if you're anything like me, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with just any person.... ;-)

Special...That's What We Are!

2010-03-24T12:30:00.002-04:00

I haven't been to my kickboxing classes in a week and I feel guilty! I was on it and consistent and I am so amped because I am really seeing results! My legs and arms are starting to tone up and that stubborn secret dimple is slowly going away. I'm NOT telling you where the dimple is...that's exactly why it's a secret! lol! I have a good reason for not getting in this week though. I have alot happening which I will explain next week AFTER I'm done with everything. I'm hoping and praying for success with all things though. Ok, so on to other things.

You know, I constantly have to remind myself that I am special. Please understand what I'm saying when I say this; I think there are times when we all fail to realize or fully grasp just how special we are and what we deserve. While I know that we are all special in God's eyes, sometimes I kind of lose sight of that fact. I'm usually able to tell when it's happening to me when I find myself taking treatment or settling for things that I normally wouldn't accept. For example, there was a period where I was talking to this particular guy and while he was great and fantastical and all those good things, after a while, I found that unless I contacted him, he wouldn't attempt to get in touch with me at all. It was as if he was always too busy to talk to me, and I became a convenience for him. In that respect, I actually started to go along with it in the beginning thinking that it was okay, since he was involved in so many things. But then one day it hit me...I'm special! I deserve the best! I almost forgot who I was because I started to settle. I don't know what makes some guys think that girls should chase after them when that defeats the whole purpose of "The Chase." It makes you feel unwanted and kinda low sometimes to know that the only way a guy you like will talk to you is if you reach out to him ALL THE TIME...so not fair. Sometimes it takes you having to step back and reassess the situation and remind yourself of who you are. You're special....WE are special...you deserve to be treated as such...WE deserve to be treated as such...and even further...as women especially, it's not our job to work for the attention of a man. If the man wants to be with you, he should be able and willing to pursue you and without you even having to beg for it! I have to admit that this scenario that I just mentioned has happened to me quite a few times because I forgot how special I was. Never again though! God CONSTANTLY tells me throughout the day that I am special, I'm worth it, I deserve the best...and SO DO YOU!! My dears don't you dare forget it! In case no one else tells you today...YOU ARE SPECIAL!

Hating Me Cause You Ain't Me??

2010-03-23T11:28:00.008-04:00

Ok, I'm vexed. Now before I get right into it, I have to say that having a personal website has its positives and negatives. While it's wonderful to be able to have a space where I can express myself freely, I still end up having to filter my thoughts and experiences sometimes because lots of people read what I say...lots of people who KNOW me read what I say, so at times I have to be cognizant of certain details that I disclose so as not to point direct fingers or put anyone's business out into the open. With that being said, this is one of those times! Alrighty, I am so sick and tired of people commenting on my size! Let me explain...

There is a particular group of people who I interact with from time to time and boy do they love to eat. They constantly talk about food and what they plan to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, and everything else. Don't get me wrong, I LOOOOOOOVE food too! HOWEVER, I don't eat nearly as much as I speak about the topic! This particular group of people on the other hand, eat as much as they speak about food! As a result, they are not happy with their sizes and weight, and complain about it all the time. Now let me tell you what happens to me when I see some people acting overindulgent with food...I suddenly lose my appetite. Really! Does that ever happen to you dears?? When I see people really overindulging, I just don't feel like eating anymore. It's that simple. I mean, if they want to eat, then eat! No problem! I don't judge their actions if that is what they choose to do! Why then do they in turn comment on my size?! I get so much flack about how I'm smaller than them and it gets frustrating. It is not my fault that I am the size, height, and proportion that I am. My family is naturally tall and shapely, but I also work hard to maintain my size. I'm not trying to make myself out to be better than anyone else, but come on! I feel like I'm being hated on because I'm not big! I don't understand! I can't repeat the things that are said to me only because that would zero in on who I am speaking about specifically, but believe me when I say that they are back-handed remarks (and yall know how I feel about those!! READ ABOUT IT HERE!) that almost make you want to be embarrassed for looking good. Mind you, I said ALMOST, because I REFUSE to allow anyone to make me feel inferior without my consent. I'm just venting because sometimes I get sick of hearing about it. I don't know if it's hateration, jealousy, who knows! But whatever... Anyway, I'm done! I'm happy now! See why it's good to talk about things and get it off your chest?! You feel better when you're done!

Man, Ohhhh Man!!

2010-03-15T20:30:00.003-04:00

Oh em gee! I witnessed a vision of utter amazingness on television just now. This angel of a man showed up on the Wendy Williams show and made my jaw drop (YES, I watch Wendy..I love her!!). I'm not gonna say his name because it's relevancy to what I am talking about right now is neither here nor there. However, do allow me to marinate on utter goodlookingness for just two seconds please.... (pause) (pause) (pause) (pause)...Ok! I'm done! And for the record, I was not lusting! I was simply appreciating what I just saw! You know it's times like these when I see such an incredibly good looking man that from an outward standpoint, is made of just the right features...sugar, and spice, and all things nice...such times make me want to run before God and say,

"Lord...can you make sure that my own guy is HOT too?? Please?"

I'm not sure what you guys think, but as for me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an incredibly attractive wo/man too! I mean, since when do we have to leave that aspect out of our requests?? We want him/her to have complete devotion to God, be grounded, financial stable, funny, all those things....and mediocre looking?? Ummm...no thanks! I'll take strikingly handsome for $1000 Alex! I was always under the assumption that my husband would be good looking by default because God is really nice...lol...but hello! We have not cause we ask not! Let it be known that from this point forward, I will be asking God expressly to make sure that in addition to everything else I'm believe God for in a mate, I want to make sure that the man is "knock-me-off-my-feet" kind of good looking. The kind of good looking where I have no choice but to applaud his looks...lol...Hey, now! Don't be all heavenly and spiritual on me now. It's fine if you dears don't want to ask God for good looking spouses...and when he gives you a lovely wo/man with a great heart...that looks like an Avatar, you're not allowed to complain! lol...You have the option to express your wants to God and know that He will give you what your heart desires...including a FOINE spouse! Don't get me wrong, looks are not the sole factors for which we must focus on...I'm speaking of it being an ADDITION to everything else we desire. I DARE you to make that request known! I'll sure be asking!

Getting My "Area" Checked...

2010-03-11T11:13:00.004-05:00

I am mad about the gynecologist's office!! Why do I have to subject myself to such ridiculous treatment every year?!! This past November I went to the gynecologist for a pap smear for the second time in life and I felt like I was going to die! I don't know why I went in the first place. I mean, I am totally an advocate for regular health screenings, and making sure you're in optimal health...HOWEVER....I am NOT an advocate for pap smears. I know they help in finding out if you're healthy and you have no reproductive issues, but still!! Oh man! I went for my checkup the other day and I felt like my doctor took my dignity!! I had to spread eagle on this examination table that entailed you having to put your feet in two stirrups as if you're about to ride a horse...and this is wearing nothing but a light robe! NO OTHER CLOTHING! I've never had kids, and I am not married, so of course I've never had a reason to expose myself to anyone...but myself! Have you any idea what it feels like to get impromptu kind of naked? The kind of naked where you're not even truly prepared?! It's horrible! Then on top of that, the examination itself is PAINFUL! Without getting too graphic, I'll just say that it feels as if you're being punched in your throat through your booty! lol...it's true tho! And no matter what you do, you'll never be prepared for that moment. There's no way to relax, no way to take your mind to another place because while you're trying to think elsewhere, you have this ice cold duckbill stick being stuck inside of you. I'm almost tempted to go deeper with that one, but I'll spare you! lol... All I knows is that once a year every November, I now despise being a female because of this experience! I purposely chose to have a female gynecologist because there was no way in this world that I was about to get naked for a man doctor to stare all up inside my creases and crevices. I have nothing against male doctors, it's just that I rather deal with someone who is a bit more familiar with my parts and doesn't have HUGE hands. Let's just say that I'd rather turn my head and cough twice instead...lol... What an experience...!

EXACTLY!

2010-03-09T20:41:00.006-05:00

Remember a few days ago I mentioned briefly in the end of a post about praying for specifics?? Well, here we go! I learned something a few days ago that just absolutely blew my mind! It wasn't anything profound where you need a Master's degree to understand it...it's a simple idea. Whenever you're before God praying for something that you desire from Him, be specific and you will get exactly what you want. I know God isn't a genie lamp that you only go to when you want something...there are numerous reasons for which you can get before Him; however, right now I'm talking about praying for something that you want. Why is that when we ask God for something, we get apprehensive about stating EXACTLY what we want??! I say "we" because I found myself doing it to, and it was God who brought it to my attention. He said to me,

"...Giselle, when you're praying to request something of me, be specific in what you want. If you pray a general prayer asking for something, I will respond, but how much more would you receive if you would just get specific in what it is you're asking me for. Don't be afraid to tell me EXACTLY what you want, because I will give it to you..."

Have you any idea how off guard I was caught, having to hear God tell me that I'm being too general?? And you know something, I was being too general! Listen, I have come to understand that God will give you the desires of your heart...but it's gonna take you saying EXACTLY what that desire is! So, if you've been wanting a house...are you going to pray for just a house, or are you going to get specific and tell God the location where you want it, how much you're believing to pay for it, all that! We are dealing with God here!! The supreme being...the one who is able to do MORE than what we ask for! You want more proof that God is big on specifics?? OK! You got it! Remember in the beginning of the world when He told Adam to name all the animals?? THERE YOU GO! If God wasn't big on specifics, He would have just said...

"Ok...Adam don't go into specifics about naming these things...let's just refer to ALL of them as animals..."

I know it's a stretch, but you get the drift! BE SPECIFIC!! My dears, I DARE you to tell God EXACTLY what you want, and watch Him prove himself to be the awesome God that He is and give you just what you asked for!

Should've, Could've, Would've

2010-03-04T20:01:00.001-05:00

How excited are my fellow "East Coast-ians" about the swift change in weather from imminent snow storms to amazing warmth?!! I wanna run through a meadow, but I kind of have to wait for the flowers to grow first...at any rate, that is NOT what my entry is about today. :-) Although I said in my last post that I was gonna elaborate on praying on specifics, I'm gonna leave that for a moment to talk about mistakes and regrets. We've all had them, are making them, and will continue to make them throughout the course of our lives. As long as I've known myself, I would always have all of these regrets that I'd carry on the inside over stupid mistakes that I've made as a teenager, young adult, and even now as a middle aged adult! Whenever I've made a mistake, I'd constantly hold on to the regret for doing it and constantly replay what I should've, could've, and would've done different if given the chance to have a do-over. Talk about mental drainage!! It's frustrating to look back over your life and continuously hold your own slip-ups over your head! While you certainly don't want to, you continue to! In my quiet time with God, He let me in on some choice words that really changed how I looked at past occurrences in my life. He said to me that it's important that we not constantly mull over what we should've and could've done differently, as all of the things in our past are gone! Once we live in Him, we are new creations, new people, and every day is a new day filled with new mercy, and new grace! It's important for us to forget about what we could have done to change our yesterdays, and focus on our todays! While we should make it a point to grab a lesson from the mistakes we make, at no point should we be looking to have regrets and beat ourselves up about what happened before. Leave the should'ves, could'ves, and would'ves behind!
That's what He told me, and so I've just told all of you! As I strive daily to not keep looking behind me, and DO my best to BE my best everyday by God's grace, so I encourage you all to do the same! Forget about the mess you've made...no regrets!

The Happenings...

2010-03-02T19:41:00.000-05:00

I have a whole bunch of things going on in my mind right now. Well, first let me update you briefly...I started my first kickboxing class today, and it didn't kick my booty like I expected it to. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely an intense high impact session, but so worth the sweat and tiredness! I look forward to seeing what results come about from this. In other news, I don't know if you all knew this about me from before, but I used to deal with a real struggle of waking up early to read my bible and spend time with God. Most days I would go ahead and do it, but Lord knows that I saw it more as a chore, moreso than something that I was looking forward to. I mean, it's really gotta be something impactful and motivating to have me waking up at the crack of dawn! I really wasn't seeing God in that viewpoint...to me, He was just a formality that I had to take care of unwillingly in the mornings. I mean, I love God and everything, but I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to do what should come naturally. Well, over the past few weeks it seems like some sort of switch turned on! I prayed a simple prayer asking God to please help me to start my day with Him...suddenly I am waking up with an ease and looking forward to spending time with God!! It's not a chore anymore!! I love it!! Also, I discovered a new way to pray from my dad and it's been bringing about rapid results!! I kid you not! All you have to do is pray back scripture to God! And guess what?! God has to hold true to his word so He does what you ask of Him!! I'm witnessing breakthroughs in my life and seasons changing and I know it's because of a combination of consistently spending time with God and praying back His word to Him...It's a wonderful thing! You're having a hard time starting your day off with God, it's as simple as asking Him to help you...well, that and not going to bed two hours before you're supposed to get up! :-) I'm learning that even in the simplest of requests....all it takes is for us to open our mouths to God and tell Him EXACTLY what we want and need...mannn, that's a whooooole other entry right there...I promise I'll speak on that one soon!

Kicking Things Into Gear!

2010-02-28T17:50:00.005-05:00

Since the new year has begun, I've been trying to lose 20 pounds!! AHHHH!! I know, I know, HERE WE GO AGAIN, RIGHT?! LOL! For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am ALWAYS on some personal conquest to lose weight! No, I am not overweight, obese, or anything like that...I just want to lose 20 pounds. In all my adult years I have weighed in the 160s range. Wait, I think I weighed in the 150s range in 2007 sometime...yup! That's right! In fact, I remember writing a blog about it. Ok, well other than that solitary moment where I weighed in the 150s for like 7 days (lol!), I've generally weighed between 160-165. Right now I weigh 164 pounds. As a recap for everyone that doesn't know my business (smile), I am exactly 5'8 and I am a size 6/8, mostly an 8 though. I really cannot explain to you how it is that I wear a size 8 and weigh as much as I do. I know height does play a role, but I refuse to use that as an excuse! Well, in yet another attempt to drop 20 pounds by the time it gets warm (whenever that is!), I've decided to try something new. I've done the gym membership thing, I've done the exercise videos thing, I've done the diet plans ranging from Weight Watchers, Master Cleanse, Cabbage Soup Diet, Nutrisystem, Diet-to-Go Meal Delivery...all that! Don't get me wrong, all of those options do produce results, but I'm looking to try an alternative route...something that would totally take me out of my comfort zone...I'm talking about Kickboxing! Ahhh!!! I am sooo excited!! I've been waiting for March to roll around just so that I could begin. I've researched and visited a few places and I've decided to join CKO Kickboxing. I'll be going to my first class on Thursday and while I am really nervous, I'm also equally amped! See, I have this thing about working out...I don't like going to exercise where there are lots of people, or where this an opportunity for lots of people to stare at me while I work out. Call it narcissistic, but nothing skeeves me out more! I like a degree of privacy as well as space when I'm trying to exercise...I guess all of that goes out the window as soon as I join this kickboxing class because there's no one on one time. I know I need to push myself to do new things though, so here I go. Apart from that, I also understand that kickboxing is one of the best ways to burn lots of calories in a quick period of time because it is such a high energy activity. Of course it all depends on the person who is participating, but knowing me...I'm going hard...plus I am naturally an energetic busy bee, so I'll be ok. I can only pray that I achieve the results I'm looking for! I have some back fat rolls and a tummy pooch that I've been fighting for years...a losing battle, I might add (smile). Hopefully those two things will disappear with kicking and boxing too. Now, the only thing left for me to do is figure out what I'm going to eat during the day. I eat oatmeal for breakfast because it's quite filling and I just love oatmeal, but I have to figure out what to do for lunch and dinner! Grrr....One step at a time G...one step at a time. I'll let you all know how this whole process is going, and if I look sharp after a month, I'll post a picture so you all can see! Here we go...!

The "P" word

2010-02-27T03:40:00.009-05:00

It's 3:40 am and while I really, really want to sleep, I have all of these thoughts swirling around in my mind about various things. Right now God is truly doing a work on my patience levels! I mean, I've never known myself to be impatient by any stretch of the imagination; however, these days...maaan...!! I feel like God is dangling various things in front of my face that I am supposed to get, and it's as if He is saying....

"Don't touch this yet!! Don't you dare reach for this yet! I just want you to see what's up ahead...I'll give it to you soon enough..."

All I can muster up in my mind is,

"GOD!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I WANT MY OOMPALOOMPA NOW!" (LOL...Had a Willy Wonka moment!)

Hey, I don't know about the rest of you, but God and I have real time conversations!! At this point in my life, I really do not have the time to sit down indian style with hands clasped together saying, "

Oh dearest, Holiest Father of thy nations! How I loveth theeth so mucheth!"

Maybe I'll do that some other time to humor God :-) However, as for right now, I get right to the heart of the matter when I talk with Him. I always thought I had patience...until I realized through very minor situations that I'm not quite there yet. I think it has alot to do with when you're soooo close to what's yours. While the perfect scenario would be to just stand up and claim stuff, God has other things in mind before we reach out and grab! Perhaps some of us are too anxious...perhaps one of you is wavering in your faith...or maybe it's something small, like we all just need to learn how to relax and let God do his thing. Who knows for sure but Him! I want to encourage all of you who are suffering from Lack-O-Patience Disorder to remember to relax...kind of like what I'm trying to do right now. Relax, don't get anxious, and keep those faith levels up...there's no doubt that you'll get what belongs to you, especially if it's in view!! Just wait for God to fully release it...until then...BREAAAAATH!! ;-)

A New Look

2010-02-26T03:29:00.006-05:00

Well as you can already tell, I have changed the layout and design for my blog. Being that it's a new year, I figured why not change things up a bit. I will tell you though, changing this design was not easy at all. My blog reflects me, the many aspects of my personality, my thoughts, my likes and dislikes, everything! I use this site as an outlet to expose myself to you all in hopes of being a help, an encouragement, and hopefully put a smile on someone's face! Consequently, I needed a layout that would accurate reflect ME, and what I'm trying to convey in my writing. I sat and looked through sites for layouts for 3 whole hours!! AS IF I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO! lol..well, actually, I didn't have anything better to do! hahaha... :-) I searched and searched, and then SUDDENLY...I found the layout that was just right! To me, this new blog design screams my name! I absolutely love everything about it. There's a realness that I attribute to the whole new look...a realness that I also try to bring across when I write. Of course over the next few weeks, you'll notice slight changes to the blog design (i.e., colors, fonts, pictures...). I haven't quite figured out this whole HTML thing yet. I tried to change the font for the title of my blog for the last 15 minutes and I started to feel my brain leaking through my ears, so I called it quits for the night. Anyhooo...I say allllllllllll that to say that I'm doing all of these things for you all my dears. I appreciate all of you reading and visiting my site often...it's time you all get something new to look at as you read, right?! :-) stay tuned!

80/20

2010-02-22T11:16:00.007-05:00

This entry is written out of frustration, "upsetness" (because I think the word "angry" is too harsh), disappointment...a little of everything. I'm writing about the major imbalances in alot of friendships today. I'm biting off of Tyler Perry's term "80-20." I'm finding that alot of people are taking their friendships with others for granted. Mind you, it happens to the best of us! Sometimes when you get so comfortable with someone being in your life, you tend to lose sight of just how significant they are to you. But what happens when the person being taken for granted is YOU?? How do you deal with that, knowing that you're giving 80% and the other person is giving 20%, if that! I've gone through a large portion of my life dealing with 80-20 friendships. I would give of my time, resources, etc., and the other person would not reciprocate. Now let me just say that most friendships do not start off this way, otherwise who would willfully walk into one of those?!! I know I wouldn't! Most friendships start off amazingly...it's give and take and it's great. Suddenly, the other person becomes so comfortable that they feel as if they don't have to do their part in the friendship anymore (and just so you know, i'm referring to both males and females). When it get's to this point, it just kind of sneaks up on you. Because you've been friends with the person for a minute you don't really have the sharp sight to realize in and instant when things have become lopsided. It's a gradual thing and by the time you realize it, you're so upset and frustrated with yourself for not catching it sooner. It really sucks when people take you for granted! This 80-20 thing can be quite a strain too, because no one wants to carry an entire friendship on their back.
I say all of that to say this...value and cherish the friendships that you've established with others. Take the time to assess just how much you're putting in versus how much you're getting out. If the scales are unbalanced, either you address it, or keep on trucking. I think it's important for all of us to remember that we are special, and anyone who is in our lives should feel privileged to be there and not take advantage of it! Remember who you are ;-)

Back to What's Important

2010-02-17T09:49:00.006-05:00

You know when you have so many different things going on in your life, it becomes really easy to lose sight of what is truly important. Being that I cannot speak for anyone but myself, I will use my own life as a reference. As you can see OBVIOUSLY, I have been away from my blog for almost 5 months. In that short span of time, I have had a host of other things to direct my attention to. As you know I've been working in a new position now, I've been finishing up my certification as well as researching doctoral programs, I've been doing alot of song writing, church duties, holiday functions, family duties, friend duties, working out, and the list goes on and on!! You know it's funny, in the midst of focusing on all of these things which I deemed important, other things got lost in the shuffle, like writing on my blog and spending enough time with God. I kind of tie those two things together only because everything that I learn from spending time with God, I like to share with you all. However, because I wasn't being consistent with one part, the other part suffered. How terrible! And you know something? It's not even like I wasn't spending time with God, I just wasn't doing enough of it as I should. Other things suddenly became more important to me. And when it came to God and my blog, my attitude was,

"I'll get to it, I know I will..."

And we all know how that goes! Today, turns into tomorrow, which turns into the next day, which turns into two weeks later, which turns into almost five months later, and here we are! I tell you that it was only this morning that it hit me....why is it that when the newest "thing" enters into our lives (thing: person, situation, or thing...lol), the first thing to suffer is our relationship with God. I know I'm not the only one who is guilty of this! It can happen to the best of us! This morning I was reading Jeremiah chapter 2...first off, poor guy!! lol...Yall ever realized that he had to preach to people that did not want to listen to him, and not only that, but he didn't even get one person saved!! That must have been so discouraging! But hey, he still did it anyway...good for him! So yeah, in Jeremiah 2, God was pissed to the highest level of pisstivity with Israel cause they much like us sometimes, abandoned him for the newest "thing," and he had had enough. So he used Jeremiah as his mouth piece to basically say how his people sinned by abandoning him BUT he's willing to look past all of that and take them back and act like nothing ever happened!! WHO DOES THAT?!! lol!! God was making it so easy for them and for us even now to get back to what's important...you and him! He's basically saying,

"Look...I know you forgot all about me and you've been doing your own thing, but that's okay...I'm still willing to take you back...just come!"

It's that simple dears! There's no bells and whistles....just get back to what's important! So...that's what I've been doing, slowly but surely, I've been reprioritizing and getting back to what is important to me...God and YALL!! YAAY!! So without any further hesistation....IIIII'M BACK!! hugs for all!! Let's do this!

BIG Lessons In Little Packages...

2009-10-19T12:11:00.005-04:00

On Saturday, my dears and I went to see a JD Lawrence Gospel play in NYC entitled, "The Cleanup Woman." Now I'll tell you, JD Lawrence is no Tyler Perry, but he is an awesome playwright in his own right. The storyline was basically about a wife who hired a cleaning woman to keep her house clean, but turns out she wanted to do a whoooole lot more than that! lol...Plus, the cast was great! It featured Chris Williams from "New Jack City", Jackee Harry from "Sister, Sister" and "227", Thelma Hopkins from "Family Matters" and "Half & Half," and guest starring Fred Hammond, which I was all too thrilled about! Anyhow...so yeah, we had such a great time at the play. Thank God for great friends! Less is always more...! You don't need 14 friends to have a good time...two or three really good ones will do a wealth more than a whoooole group of people! Anyhoo, so the plan on Saturday was to go to the play at 3, then after it, we would go to Negril's Village at 6:30; a Caribbean Restaurant in the city. Boy, did our day go in a completely different direction!! The play started late due to technical issues, and then ended a bit late. So, after the play, my dears and I proceed to the nearby parking garage to pick up the car to get going. I guess everyone in the theatre had the same idea that we did, because there was a looooong line of people waiting for their cars too. We took a time out and went to Crumbs Bakery to salivate over their cupcakes while we waited...AMAZING BTW. When we got back to the parking garage, the line to wait for cars was a good medium size. We paid for the garage ticket and went to wait for the car to be valeted for us. Man....what was supposed to be a half hour wait...turned into almost 2 hours of waiting in the freezing cold! Oh my goodness! People who came in AFTER us, were getting their cars BEFORE us! At first it was upsetting to see because we had dinner reservations for 7. I ended up having to cancel the reservations because we were still waiting....and waiting....and waiting....My one dear started preaching and praying, my other dear was breaking bread and creating virtual sacrifices in an effort to get God's attention so that he could send the car. Passengers would come, cars would go...and what were we doing?? Still waiting! We all started prophesying to the car garage doors saying that the next time it rolled up, it would be our car being brought out to us. Did it come out? Nope! We waited, and waited, and waited. When it got to the point where we were the only ones waiting for our car after about 2 hours, I went inside and expressed my exasperation to the parking attendant. I had to remind him that we paid for our garage fee two hours ago and it should not have taken this long for the car to come. The parking attendant told us he would get on the situation and take care of it right away. And even after expressing my concerns, it still took an additional 15 minutes for the car to arrive....BUT FINALLY....it arrived! What rejoicing took place when the car finally came out. PLUS, when it came out, the guy drove the car all the way out for us, as opposed to half way like the other cars. Then, after he pulled the car completely out the lot for us, He held the door open for us and made sure we were in the car comfortably. Though it took 40 thousand years...we got our car, and with good treatment attached to it.

Although this story may seem insignificant and trivial from a natural standpoint, it taught us a very big lesson. In fact, the whole experienced seemed as if God was holding up a mirror in front of us to show us our present circumstance and to give us hope. Although we were laughing over the fact that we lost our dinner reservations, almost got frost bite in our toes and butts, and really had to pee, it was quite discouraging to be waiting for something that already belonged to us. That's how life is sometimes....we're all waiting for things from God. Cars, homes, relationships, jobs, etc. In many instances, we've prayed and asked God for it at which point we can consider it done. HOWEVER....oh the painstaking process of waiting! You see everybody else come and go and get their stuff with practically no effort and you're the lucky one to be stuck still waiting...but ohhhhhhhhhh when your turn FINALLY comes so that you can get your stuff! You not only get it but with fringe benefits, bells and whistles.

On Saturday night, my dears and I learned a big lesson and I'll share it with you all...keep joyful as you wait on God...remind Him of His promises...HOLD ON just a little while longer because even when it doesn't seem like it, you will get what God has in store for you!

THAT THING YOU DO!

2009-10-13T10:55:00.004-04:00

It is so very important not to compare yourself to other people. I cannot emphasize that enough. Sometimes I find myself comparing my abilities to that of others. I mean, I can think of so many people who can sing better than me, paint better than me, "psychologize" better than me (yes, I made it a word...lol), song write better than me...and on and on and on...imagine if I kept thinking that way!! I would end up being so depressed. My self-worth would plummet to ZERO! I do have my moments when I feel inadequate and "less than"....but I quickly encourage myself out of those times. I in turn, encourage you all to do the same. Be careful of comparison and competition! It's the enemy's plan to make you feel like you're mediocre, and that there's nothing unique about you. Listen to me when I say that no one can do that thing that you do...LIKE YOU! Whatever that "thing" is that you do...it can be singing, dancing, public speaking, playing the timpani, writing poetry, humming...whatever it is...no one can do it like you!! The moment that you begin comparing your own abilities to that of someone else's, you automatically cancel out all the unique characteristics that set you apart from everyone else. Plainly stated...you'll lose YOU, when you compare yourself to THEM. That thing you do, the way that you do it, is what makes you special...remember that! Whenever you begin to question your abilities or feel that notion of inadequacy rising within you, combat it by simply looking at yourself in the mirror and say,

"NO ONE can do [insert ability here] like me!

Satisfaction Guaranteed!

2009-10-10T18:04:00.005-04:00

So, I'm officially into my second month as a training school psychologist. It's certainly been a whirlwind of experience! I have encountered so much craziness in my brief month at the school, but can I just say how much I absolutely love my job?!! The more I get to experience things in the profession, the more I start to feel like my title... school psychologist!! Look at God! I still cannot believe that I'm here! I've started planning in my mind which schools I want to apply to for my doctorate. I anticipate applying to doctoral programs in September of 2010, so that by January 2011, God-willing I'll be a doctoral student...plus, 3 more years is nothing compared to the 4 years I'm now coming out of...plus, I am still temporarily single, so I am more flexible with my time. And speaking of single, OH EM GEE! (Sigh)....Oh the battles I face as I wait!! Although my hope is that you would all be encouraged with this posting, I am writing this to remind myself of somethings. See, sometimes even Giselle forgets her position...and in times like this, I remind myself of where I stand, what God said, and what He's promised me. I am experiencing a world of counterfeits STILL! I thought I'd be done with all of that by now, but alas, I am still the monkey in the middle. You have no idea how much pressure and frustration I go through on just about a daily basis in saying,

"I'm sorry, but no..."

to different guys! Lord have mercy! Sometimes, I just want to go on an island of solitude to wait out this season of singleness. I feel bad about turning down different guys, but it's not like I'm doing it to be mean. See, I'm holding on to a promise that God spoke to me years ago regarding my husband. He specifically told me that He'd tell me who my guy is when I meet him. Thus far, it hasn't been any of the guys I've spoken to...and even if I try to rationalize or reason with myself that one of them may be it, I always feel uneasy or like something is missing...and I know what it is! I know what's missing! I'm missing God's SATISFACTION GUARANTEED stamp! If I'm not satisfied, surely it's because I'm missing the mark. So when that happens, as simple as it is for me to accept God saying "nope, it's not this one..." some of these nice guys don't take it as easily. I don't even want to go into detail regarding my varied experiences, especially in the last two years...but know this...God's word NEVER fails. I don't typically quote direct bible verses in my blogs, but today I must back myself up with HIS word...

"So don't throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It's still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God's plan so you'll be there for the promised completion. It won't be long now, he's on the way; he'll show up most any minute..." -Hebrews 1-:35-37

I put that verse there for a reason! See, when God first spoke to me years ago, I was so sure of what He said...I was amped!!! As years went by and experiences took place, I started to waver and even wonder if I heard God correctly the first time because I was getting overwhelmed by the guys approaching me. It made me unsure...today, this verse reminds me to continue to trust God, cause whatever He said to me AND you is STILL a sure thing!! My job at this point in my life is to continue to wait it out until it shows up...even in the midst of the guy rush! As the verse also says, I'm in an "any day now" phase so I have to stick it out....
That's exciting, right?? I pray that as I remind myself, you too would be reminded to STICK IT OUT!! Cause whatever God said to you long before, it's still a sure thing...& know that SATISFACTION IS GUARANTEED!! ;-)

Mumbo Jumbo

2009-09-23T12:50:00.006-04:00

I don't really have anything important or of great significance to talk about today. I just figured that I'd continue to type until words entered my brain and filled up this entry. Right now I am thinking about how 2009 passed through with lightning speed! Can you believe next week will commence October...and I've only done 4 blog entries!! Oh my word! I seriously slacked this year like you would not believe!

You know, what I just noticed...everyone either got married this year, or entered into a relationship...except me! LOL! It's so funny how I can write that and still laugh about it. I am not worried or anything! The question of the year for me from guys has been,

"How come you don't have a boyfriend?!"

LOL!! There's nothing wrong with me, I look pretty decent, and I don't have a third eye or an eleventh toe! I'm a nice girl, I'd like to think! In fact, my brother is a nice boy too. He's 24...the creator of Geremology, the site which I recommend to you all, oh so often. I figured I'd shamelessly plug the fact that he too is a decent guy, has a great job, his own home, and he doesn't have an extra nipple or an ear growing behind his head. We're both nice people, I'd like to think...Don't worry about us though...we'll be snatched up soon enough. We're just waiting for the best! Amen? AMEN! :-)

Ok, so tell me why I didn't go on a vacation this year?? Horrible, isn't it?!! I literally chose to stay home! My parents on the other hand, have suddenly become jetsetters! This month alone they've gone to Louisiana, Pennsylvania, and next up...Paris! What is up with that?!! I think I should be the one to be living it up! Anyhow, I'll get my turn in a year or two...you wait and see!

Ok, now I know that I'm supposed to love being a school psychologist because I get to make a difference in the lives of parents, children, and teachers everyday, but can I be absolutely human for three seconds and admit that I look forward to getting the paycheck too?!!! My Lord! I am super excited to be getting paid....especially because of the district I work in, where School Psychologists are desperately needed. I have favor on my side in all areas! I am a minority, a female, and I work in an urban area?! All that adds to my salary!! YAAAAY GOD! lol...Ok, let me bring it back :-) Sometimes, it's good to celebrate stuff like that...don't be ashamed! If you're getting paid and you like it, clap your hands!!

The hair growing out challenge has proven to be an uphill battle for me. I am very excited about how quickly my hair has been growing since relaxing it from it's natural state. My hair now reaches to just past my neck when it is straight and it's steadily growing. I'm glad I'm getting a chance to re-grow my hair properly. I have a simple regimen that I stick to daily and it's been working for me. Perhaps I'll discuss that with you fellow hair fanatics on another day. What else can I say...life is good! I'm happy! I have a car, a job, and a place to live! I have hair on my head, shoes on my feet, and pillows in my bed. Can I get an AMEN!

On a completely random note, I just want to remind you all to make sure that you're mindful of your surroundings when you're digging your nose or your booty, as someone may be watching and catch you in the act on video...and then put you on blast on youtube! Don't say you haven't been warned!

Wow...I really went off on a wild tangent today...thanks for reading!!

ETA: Did you guys know that Mumbo Jumbo is actually a character??! And a weird looking one at that!! lol...

From the Perspective of a PK...

2009-09-17T13:34:00.007-04:00

So, I know this is something that many people don’t speak about. In some respect, I can understand why this topic is not discussed because it is quite touchy. I’m going to discuss this from the perspective of someone on the inside. If you’re offended or you do not agree with what I have to say, then simply scroll to the next posting, or visit my brother’s blog: Geremology. This is more of a personal rant more than anything else. So, let’s begin.

In case some of you do not know, I am a Pastor’s daughter. Being a “PK” as we are affectionately called, is sometimes the greatest and the worst thing. There’s the upside to things where you get to experience the benefits of having parents in ministry, like traveling to other ministries, meeting tons of wonderful people and establishing great friendships, being a MAJOR blessing, and making an influential impact in the lives of others in a way that most people hardly ever get the chance to. That’s the great side of being a PK. Now, there’s also the not so good side of being a PK where you get to hear and witness sad things that other people will probably never get to. There’s the hardships that you have to witness seeing your parents go through in leading a mass group of people and making the best decisions possible, under God’s direction of course. With leadership comes great responsibility, so at times seeing your parents having to handle such major responsibility is not always the easiest thing because you see them go through much scrutiny, hurt, pain, and criticism from people who feel that they can do the job better. That upsets me to no end! I tell ya, in every work place you know how you’ll always encounter that person or people who feel that they have what it takes to do YOUR job better than you. Well, Pastors are not exempt from that either! My dad has been a pastor for 13 years and in that time, I have seen so many people come in with the belief that they know just how to do things. I sit by and watch silently, and my theory has always been this: if God wanted that person to lead the church, then God would have put that person in the position to do so! I do not understand where some people get their notions from! Being a Pastor in general is not easy, so the last thing they need is someone trying to criticize them on how to do their job. Yes, there are leadership teams, boards, etc., in which to make the decision making processes easier for Pastors to deal with, but you’d be surprised how people will come in from the outside full of opinions and ideas and know just what to do…or so they think! Then, there’s the whole ordeal of when people decide to leave the church. Now personally, my belief is that if someone wants to leave the church, then by all means go ahead! They are free to do whatever their heart desires or whatever they feel God is calling them to do. What burns me is that often times when people leave a church, I find that they take it upon themselves to pioneer a mass crusade to take people with them when they leave! WHY?!! I mean, with that comes the personal attacks against the pastor and his integrity, his family, and the ministry, and all coming from the person who chose to leave. Again, I have nothing against people deciding to leave a church, but the attacks and all that really are not called for. I think this stems from the fact that people think that pastors don’t have feelings or that they are not affected by the things that are said about them. Contrary to popular belief, THAT IS NOT TRUE! If you read my last post, you will see from my own personal experience just how much it hurts to have mean things said about you, whether directly or indirectly. I have seen my own parents go through this, and I feel for them. YES, they do have feelings, and you know something? It hurts pastors more than you would think to hear mean things being said against them. Know why? Most pastors consider members of their congregation to be their sons and daughters…kind of like a big family. Now imagine the feeling of knowing that one of your sons or daughters has suddenly risen up against you, and not only that, but wants to convince others to do so as well. It is not a nice feeling. Yet, they have to continue on and do the work God has called them to do regardless of the attacks and vendettas against them. I just find that it is so unnecessary and mean spirited to bash someone whom you once considered dearly. I don’t think people understand that the principle of sowing and reaping applies in every respect. If you sow ill words against someone, even against your Pastor, or your ex-Pastor, you will reap ill words back! Don't do it! Leave quietly without kicking up all this dust!

Anyhoo, these are just a portion of the things that you get to witness being a PK…I can go on and on…but you know, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Seeing all that my parents have gone through as pastors has made them stronger, wiser, and better.

Where Am I Now...? (PART 2)

2009-09-16T13:01:00.005-04:00

In continuation of my last update, let me just say that I've been through so many emotional rollercoasters....

As you move up in the world you’re bound to experience it… hateration… haters…. people who just despise the very thought of seeing anything good happen to you. I would like to think that when those around me experience triumphs I am right there with them to rejoice. On my end however, I’ve noticed that such is not the case lately. Over the last month, out of nowhere I’ve been experiencing back-handed compliments, snide remarks, “chew-outs,”and other not so nice things. It literally felt like all of this stuff started to come out of nowhere! BOOM! Just like that. You know which one hurts the most though?? The back handed compliments! Those are the worse because they’re disguised as genuine kind words. When you first get a backhanded compliment, you think of it as an actual compliment. It’s only AFTER it’s said that you think,

“Hmm…wait! Did that person just insult me?!”

Just like that it hits you! Then, you’re left feeling sorry for yourself because you’ve just been sneakily attacked. Now ordinarily, I don’t let what other people have to say to me, or about me, bother me because their words don’t determine the course of my life. People do not make our world go ‘round! ALWAYS remember that! Although I allow most things to bounce off me and not get to me, because of the influx of stuff that was coming at me last month, some things penetrated to my core. I got upset with myself over it, and I really started to feel down. It took me a couple days to get over everything that was happening to me. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I was asking God why these things were happening to me all of a sudden. I did come to realize though that whenever you’re entering into a new season, a new place in your life, these are some of the oppositions that you will experience. Well, I thought to myself that I must be entering a whole new world cause I was being hated on from all corners! As you can see, I’ve since snapped out of the low moments, and now I am good! I have no fear or worry in my mind that God will not take care of me. Let me remind you all of one thing…any negative words that are spoken to you or against you can be easily refuted by your own words. It’s not until you accept what others have to say do their words begin to take root and form in your life. I say we let the haters hate, and we keep rising to the top! YAY GOD!

Where Am I Now....?

2009-09-14T11:40:00.004-04:00

I've been away for a month...and with good reason! I have been so incredibly busy! There's been alot going on in my life...ups, and downs...thankfully, there's been more ups than downs. I was contemplating back and forth as to whether or not I should let you all know about the various happenings in my life, because I've been experiencing some hateration. Also, I just really wasn't sure whether or not I wanted everyone to know what's been going on with me. However, the thought occurred to me,

"since when have I been a private person when it came to expressing the doors God has been opening for me?!"

I tell ya, I almost shut my mouth to what God has been doing in and through me! After much deliberation, I've decided to share my past month experiences with you all in the hopes of my continued quest to encourage and uplift through my own life journey. So...let's go!

Firstly, after working full time in my church since 2006, I am now working in school as a training school psychologist! PRAISE JESUS! Can you believe it?! I tell you, I honestly never thought that I'd see the day! It's just been such a long time coming and I can say that it is no one but God that has me here. I almost quit the school psychology program back in 2007 after I got my Masters, cause I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like I was missing out on life by staying in school until 2010. Come on, think about it...at the time 2010 through the eyes of someone living in 2007 was light years away!! I kept thinking that there was no way in the world I'd make it...BUT GOD! See why it's so good to know that even when you give up on yourself, God doesn't give up on you?! It is only because of God's grace was I able to make it to where I am now. I wake up at 5:00 every morning and I have to keep reminding myself that what I do now is real! It's like, I can't believe that I am finally walking in what I have been preparing for, for 3 years! Apart from all of that, it's so exciting to go into school everyday knowing that I'm going to make a difference in kids' lives! I work in a real urban area, an elementary school grades K-4. yay! And let me tell you something about patience, IT'S A GOOD THING! When you wait for the Lord to act, He will act in the most awesome way! God has given me an amazing supervisor and connected me with people who are really and truly looking out for me to succeed in this new profession! It's amazing! All the time I sowed into working in church was not in vain because my sowing in one area is now proving to be a harvest at my new job! Currently, I am working under direct supervision until December 2010 at which point I will be able to fully practice as a school psychologist on my own. Also, I am applying to two doctorate programs next year. I wasn't even going to get a doctorate cause I've been in school my whole life and I really don't wanna deal with anymore...HOWEVER...I feel within myself that since the programs are only 3 years, I'll apply. If I get in, I'll go...if I don't, I won't! :-)
Because I don't wanna make this post too long, I'll end here and pick up with more updates tomorrow.

Shirley Temple Conspiracy

2009-08-17T21:29:00.000-04:00

Truth In Friendship

2009-08-13T12:06:00.010-04:00

I have something to say about this whole friendship thing. In my opinion, I find that alot of people want "true friends" and people who will really be there for them, and have their back, but often times they're unwilling to accept all that that would entail. Right now, I speak from personal experience. It really baffles me how a person could want you to be their true friend and have their back, but then when you actually look out for them, they have a problem with it. This morning I learned a lesson about friendship while reading about Paul. He wanted to visit the people he just led to the Lord in Thessalonica, but for some reason or the other, he couldn't make it over to them...maybe his donkey broke down...lol. Sidenote: like my dad says, the bible doesn't just open your eyes to Godly principles, but rather to everyday life lessons as well. So yeah, it's from reading the first 3 chapters of 1 Thessalonians that I learned that it is my responsibility as a friend to those who consider me as such to be honest and straigtht forward with them as often as possible. I believe for all of us who have close friendships, we have an obligation to be truthful to our friends, especially in circumstances where we feel that our friends' well being may potentially be compromised. We are not supposed to flatter or tell them what they want to hear all the time. To me, that's not being a true friend! In my opinion, you can easily get an enemy to flatter you, because they could give two socks what happens to you! If I see a friend blatantly walking into a trap, I absolutely refuse to stand there in silence and watch them hurt themselves for fear of telling them something they may not want to hear. I think that presentation is everything...especially when it comes to speaking the truth. Although our presentation of the truth should be altered accordingly to be appropriate to the situation...the truth itself must NEVER be compromised!!

On a personal note, I faced a circumstance a little while back where I was witnessing a close friend of mine walking into what I genuinely believed was a "less than" type of circumstance. Against my better judgement, I sat by the wayside watching the circumstance pan out and I knew in my heart that this was not a desirable situation for my friend. I knew that at the end of the day, this would not be beneficial to her. I felt God dealing with me about being dishonest about the situation cause I was silent. Let me tell you, lying is not just telling something that isn't true...lying is also WITHOLDING the truth! That's exactly what I was doing...I was witholding the truth. Like I said before, my duty as a friend is to look out for the best interest of my friends. Do you know how horrible it is to see something sad happen to your friend that could have easily been prevented if you would have just said something?! I did not want that on my heart! Furthermore, I did not want to feel the conviction of having lied to my friend on my heart either! After much deliberation, I went ahead and told my friend the truth. I told her that I felt in my heart that she was walking into an unfortunate circumstance. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder immediately after being honest. In the past she told me the truth when I wasn't interested in hearing it, and even when I couldn't see it. And in my afterthought, I am so grateful that she did that. But guess what? When I went ahead to do the same in HER defense...she didn't want the truth. Hmm...ironic, huh?

I say all that to say...regardless of how you feel your friends might take it, as a friend, it should always be YOUR responsibility to look out your friends, recognize when they are in the midst of a detrimental situation, and speak truthfully to them about it. That's not to say that they will always accept what it is that you have to say. And you know, that is what really sucks! Perhaps if we don't like hearing the truth, we shouldn't complain about how we don't have true friends, or people who are willing to look out for us. Friendship is not all roses and lillies...friendship has thorns and blackholes too! When you have a friend that can point out a thorn before it pricks you, or a blackhole before you fall in...THAT'S a great friend. It's unfortunate that because I personally chose to look out for my friend and speak the truth when others wouldn't, that she no longer chooses to speak to me...but hey, at least I know today that I really did do the right thing.

Comeback Jitters

2009-08-05T22:59:00.002-04:00

I'm supposed to make a comeback on this social website that I've been a part of for a few years. See, I took my account off the site back in May because I needed some time for me. Aw, what the hey, I suppose I can name the website...it's Facebook...it seems like the whole world is on there...LITERALLY! Back when Myspace was the big and hip thing to be a part of, along came Facebook and it swept the whole world by surprise! I tell ya, it's only a matter of time before I catch my grandma on that site. But I digress...
I deactivated my Facebook account because like I said before, I needed some ME time. I was totally getting lost in the Facebook sauce and it was getting to me. In an effort to refocus and not make the site one of my life priorities (because it can totally become one if you aren't careful), I ran away from it for three months. At first, it was soooooo hard! I felt like an addict who needed a fix! I needed to be on Facebook, but yet I couldn't because I told myself that I'd step away until I got myself together. After 2-3 weeks, I didn't even miss Facebook! In fact, I was so busy doing other things that I really didn't see the point of going on anymore. Now that I feel like it's time to come back on the site, I must say that I'm a little bit scared...and I don't even know why! Hmmm, perhaps it's due to the long duration of being off of it for so long...perhaps it's the fear of going online and seeing a whole bunch of new people that I've never seen before. Who knows! I anticipate reactivating my account some time in this month of August...I'm not sure of what date I'll do it...but as soon as I stop being such a sissy, I'll do it!

P.S.- Sorry for taking 18 years to write again!!

Couple of Things...

2009-07-24T15:11:00.006-04:00

I take back what I said about hating to exercise. I don't love it quite yet, but I no longer hate it. Now what I am about to say shocked even me when I realized it, but here I go...I enjoy exercising now! I can't even begin to explain what has happened to me in the space of a week, but I suddenly look forward to night time so I can exercise. I've been using this machine called The Air Climber, and I have been working out on it diligently for three weeks now. I have to say, I am totally seeing the results of my working out 4-5 times a week. Yes, I have up-ed the ante! I work out 4-5 days a week and I sweat like a slave when I do, but I feel really proud of myself when I'm done! I'm transforming my body and it's sooo cool to watch! I'll share photos at the end of August...haha...sorry that sounds like forever away, but it will be here before you know it! I'm really becoming excited about ME!

In other news, last night I was watching this show my Mere tivoed called "Dating In The Dark." The show was basically created to answer the age old question of whether or not looks play a major factor in how people choose their dates and thereafter, their relationships. I was glued to the tv last night as I saw the participants on the show (3 guys, 3 girls) put in a room that was pitch black to get to know each other based ENTIRELY on personality, not on looks. Some of the guys and girls were more attractive than others, but for the most part everyone was pretty much good looking. At the end of the show, the participants get to see who they've been talking to in the light...that's when they get to decide if they're gonna continue to talk to the person or not. I felt so bad for the guy who got rejected at the end, because after the girl who he was talking to saw him in the light...She said No thanks, and left him standing there!! Talk about rejection at its finest! I can't imagine what he must have felt like. I would like to think that I'm not so superficial as to completely blank a person cause I can't get past their exterior...but then again, It would be nice to talk to someone who is scrumptious looking to my eyes!! lol...I don't know, I guess looks coupled with a killer personality make for an ultimate combination.

Lastly, I went to the Sonic this morning and while I waited at the drive-thru...wait, first let me clarify that I was not at the Sonic fast food place getting food for me...lol! Out of the goodness of my heart, I was picking up lunch for some friends. So yes, back to the story, as I was waiting for the food at the drive thru window, I looked under the window of the place where they hand you your food and there was this gimungous spider looking at me!! I almost drove off and left the food! You know, it's in moments like those that I question whether or not God is testing me to see if I'll wet myself from fear! I sucked it up and maintained my composure long enough to get my food...barely....Lord Jesus....nail me to a cross!

You see the spider?! You see how HUGE it is?!!

Tacos & Woombas

2009-07-20T18:49:00.005-04:00

Now I love tacos as much as the next guy, but this is a bit much...

I bet this taco will give you an ulcer right after you eat it. lol! Can you imagine how your burps would taste after you got through eating this?

And don't even get me started on this next video...I practically peed with laughter! I better buy a woomba to clean my "lady business" now...LMBO!

The best part of this video is the ending...

"Woomba...the little pink robot that cleans your noonie..."

AHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

Exercising...Ugh!

2009-07-18T20:56:00.002-04:00

I hate exercising. There, I said it. I don't do it because I want to, I do it because I have to. I am probably the most unmotivated person you'll meet when it comes to working out! I just feel like there are so many other things I can do with those 30 minutes designated to burn calories. I know the whole schpeel on exercising being good for your overall health, and to lose inches, blah, blah, blah. That still doesn't change the fact that I hate doing it. I'm thinking that if I had a really motivated partner to work out with, that would make a world of difference. I was considering hiring someone to yell at me...yes, just to yell at me and tell me to go exercise right now before they give me something to cry for! Maybe I need the verbal abuse to keep me going. Three days a week, I trudge to the exercise machine and work out begrudgingly for 31 minutes. I purposely pick weird numbers, that's nothing new. Every time I meet that 31st minute, my heart rejoices in gladness as I walk away in victory and disgust at the very sight of the machine that I was on. I must say though, that for a person who hates exercising, I've been doing pretty good about getting it in three days a week for the last three weeks! I'm not sure what effects its had on my body as I am yet to measure, but I sure as heckleman better see something! I secretly envy those people who say they work out five days a week for 30 minutes and absolutely love it. How is that so?! How come they love it and I don't?! Are they getting shirley temples at the end of every workout? And speaking of shirley temples, I have not had one in three weeks! It's a travisty I tell you; an assignment from the pit of hell! Because I have been consciously eating properly and exercising, I have only consumed water diligently for three weeks! I love my water, but I miss my shirley temple! I'll reward myself soon though. On another note, you guys should really take a week and document everything that you eat daily. You'd be surprised at how much food you actually consume when you have to note it daily! As part of my Sparkdiet that I told you about a couple days ago (see my WHAT DE JAIL? entry), I have to stay accountable by inputting every single thing I consume into the Spark system. I tell ya, the first few days I shocked myself at how much food I was eating. It only seems like a little bit as you go throughout the day, but in retrospect, I was putting in big time food! I have gotten soooo much better since the beginning, and I feel better about the food choices I make and such. I'll be sure to let you all know how much weight I've lost on Monday. I hope it's at least 2 pounds! Ok, well off I go to do my exercising, and don't even get me started on the other curse word that I have to do before I get to bed...crunches....UGH!!!

Horn Tooters...

2009-07-17T18:54:00.000-04:00

...we all know them, or at least one. That person who toots their horn, or BUTBARs (bigs up themself beyond all recognition). They are able to speak of their best assests, how great they are, how much people love them, their strengths, but never their weaknesses. In their eyes, they are void of all faults. Horn tooters are their own Publicists. There's no need for anyone else to compliment them, because they take the liberty of doing it for themselves...and ALL THE TIME! Some people speak of it as confidence, but in my opinion, that's OVERconfidence, almost bordering on arrogance. I am so over folks who BUTBAR. It's actually pretty annoying to witness because people who BUTBAR are often unwilling to take constructive criticism. However, they're often quick and ready to tell others about themselves and how they can improve. Isn't it funny how the people who BUTBAR turn out to need the most work themselves?! So think again...do you know a person who BUTBARs? Are YOU a person who BUTBARs?! If so, please STOP!!! Oh em gee!! Allow me to speak for everyone when I say that BUTBARring is not cool...in fact, it's offputting. There's something about a person who is humble; where you actually feel to compliment the person because they don't constantly broadcast their strengths for the whole world to know. They know they're awesome, but they choose not to speak about it with every opportunity they get. In my opinion, horn tooters speak highly of themselves because they're trying their best to mask serious insecurities. If you're a person who BUTBARs, or you know of someone who is, I suggest you go to your nearest bakery and purchase a giant slice of Humble Pie and feed it to them...or eat it yourself. Humble looks good on you :-)

Sincerely,

ME!

Could've Been Me...

2009-07-16T23:45:00.003-04:00

Yesterday as I was driving home, I had a vision. This vision was unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my life. I was in my car sitting in complete silence and just thinking as I drove. Ordinarily, while on the drive home from work, I'd be on the phone talking to someone; but lately, I just haven't been in the mood to be on the phone while I drive. I usually take the time to talk to God, and reflect on things going on in my life. Anyway, as I thought about these things in silence in my car, I remembered that I had to pick up a few things from Shop-rite, so I switched lanes to get ready to go in that direction. As I sat by a stop light waiting for the light to change, I saw a vision of an accident...an accident that I was a part of. I saw someone hit my car from the rear, and with such an impact that it caused the entire back of my car to jam and pin me up to the dashboard and break my back. It was so clear. I saw the whole thing play out in a matter of seconds right before me!! I mean, I saw the color of the car and everything...It was a red car, but I didn't see the make. At the time, I didn't think that what I saw was a vision, but rather a daydream. However, whenever a negative thought passes through my mind, I immediately come against it with prayer and cancel any assignment that the devil might have planned. So, as I saw that vision, it kind of shook me a little because I wondered why I saw such a gruesome thing happen to me; It looked so painful. I immediately said one simple prayer,

"Lord, protect me and keep me safe please..."

That was it. The stop light turned green and I signaled to get in the left lane to make another left into the Shop-rite parking lot. I waited for the car in front of me to turn in, but they were turning in really slowly. I was practically in the middle of traffic at this point waiting for my turn to go in. As I waited, I saw a red car speeding head on toward me. It wasn't anything that I hadn't seen before as oncoming traffic is always going a bit fast on this road...no big deal....or so I thought. I saw the car coming toward me, so I decided to go ahead and prepare to turn in while the car in front of me was still taking a thousand years to turn into the lot as well. The back end of my car was still in the way of oncoming traffic, as well as the red car speeding toward me. At that moment, something said to me,

"...pull up right next to the car in front of you...inch in just a little bit more and pull alongside the car..."

I really wasn't going to, because eventually, the car in front of me would turn in the lot, then I'd get my chance. Plus, if I turned in the lot while the car ahead of me was turning, I could have risked getting my car scratched. I figured I'd go ahead and obey the voice anyway.
Literally, no sooner than three seconds later, I heard the loudest screech I had ever heard in my life. My car rocked a bit from the impact of the red car speeding inches past me and hitting a car that was turning out of another parking lot directly behind me. I slammed brakes and spun around only to see the red car just miss hitting me and hitting the car about to hit me from behind. Glass flew everywhere, fluid from the cars squirted out, and the two drivers flew out of their cars and started running and holding their faces because they were dripping blood and their cars were smoking. I turned back around and started shaking. I couldn't steer my car properly. I couldn't think straight to park my car in the Shop-rite parking lot. I still don't know how I managed to make it into the lot without becoming hysterical. I was stunned to have witnessed an accident that I was supposed to be in! Had I not listened to the voice that I realized at this point was God himself telling me to inch up, I would have been sandwiched in an accident. It could've been me holding my face full of blood. It could've been my car that was totaled. I didn't realize what God saved me from until I got into the Shop-rite and heard the ambulance and police sirens. I tried to call people, but no one was available. I know now that that was because God was giving me a chance to thank Him immediately for saving me from danger. See, if I had not been sitting quietly before God in my car in the first place, I would not have seen that accident happen in the vision. I would not have known to ask God for his covering and protection. I am so very grateful to know that God answers prayer...even what we may think are the simplest ones. I learned something else yesterday too...when you hear that still small voice that you think is yourself talking to you...LISTEN TO IT...cause that may very well be the voice of God!

I tried to take a picture of the wreck to remind myself of what God saved me from, but the other cars blocked the scene...nevertheless, here's the best I could do...

Guess What I'm Best At??

2009-07-15T00:32:00.003-04:00

I'm best at being me! We all have insecurities and things we wish that we could do better, or look better doing, or etc. I'll be the first to admit that I've tried the whole trying to be like everyone else thing...guess what?! It's too much work! Seriously! Have you any idea just how tiring it is to fake and be like someone you're really not?! Very much so! Being yourself, being who God made you to be is easy, effortless, takes no exertion...it just happens. The day I discovered that no can be the ME that I can, my world changed! I'm different! I have unorthodox ways....and guess what?! IT'S FINE WITH ME!! Become fine with yourselves my dears..Do your best at being yourself! You'd be surprised at just how good you are!

Eye Opening "CHUCH"

2009-07-13T13:06:00.007-04:00

Ok, so I visited the most unusual church ever yesterday. My Lord, I have never in my whole life experienced anything like that before! My dear best friend was invited to visit a co-worker's church yesterday, so my brother and I decided to come along with her to show moral support. Father! From the moment we walked in the building, the eye-opening experience began. Mind you, we just came out of two services from our own church, and needless to say we were quite exhausted, but excited to embark on a church visitation experience. It's not every day that I get to visit another ministry PERIOD, since I am oh so busy at my own doing so many different things. But I digress...so we enter the church building and first of all, it's all bright and colorful outside, but when we walk inside, it's like it suddenly became a dark evening. Everything inside was so dark and dismal! If the interior decorator was going for a apocalyptic/last days theme, then s/he certainly succeeded!! Anyhoo, I was so hard-pressed on getting to the service on time because I DESPISE being late to anything. As everyone already knows with me, I get to wherever I have to get to EARLY! In my opinion, if I reach somewhere late...then I'm late! If I reach somewhere on time...then I'm STILL late! I like to arrive to places EARLY...to church, doctor appointments, hair appointments, the movies...YES, the movies...lol. But again, I digress...So yeah, we arrived ON TIME to the church service and I was kind of nervous because I did not want to reach late! Well, it really didn't matter, because although service was scheduled to begin at 2:30, it started around 3. All the while we're sitting in the stone hard pews at a 90 degree angle, there is quiet ambient piano music playing in one corner, while a "unique" looking man in the other corner of the church strummed his guitar to a tune being played only in his head. Sidenote: this is a "black" church, for lack of a better term...lol... But yeah, so we're sitting there wondering when church is going to start because the clock is ticking away. Suddenly, this girl quietly walks up to the pulpit and in a space of .3 seconds, proceeds to yell at us at the top of her lungs to praise God...OR ELSE! I'm kidding, she didn't say the "or else" part, but she might as well cause she yelled at the top of her lungs for like 18 minutes to praise God, and you're essentially not gonna be a Christian anymore if you don't! I have never consecutively clapped so long in all my life! After she got through yelling, she invited another tall-challenged brother to come and pray who then proceeded to beg us to yell for 15 more minutes! I could barely see his head over the pulpit and I promise you he had on his grand-dad's Sunday jacket...I am so not trying to be funny! :-) I mean for real though, I am just reporting facts! So after he yelled for 15 minutes...side note, I am STILL waiting for this man to open in prayer, because as of late, I have heard nothing! So, he teeters off the stage and then the quiet girl comes back up and yells at us to Praise God again for 5 minutes. After I got through forcing out another praise...lol...she invited a brother to come up and read the opening scripture verse. Now we don't do that whole opening verse thing in my church, so correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the opening scripture verse supposed to be related to the upcoming service somehow?? Well, if so...this dear brother did NOT get the memo! He practically read out of the book of Revelation to open the service, and he didn't even finish the verse he read! All I remember is that it was out of Psalms, and it went something like this, " Let's open to Psalms 35, verses 17. And we read,

'How long, O Lord, will you look on and do nothing? Rescue me from their fierce attacks. Protect my life from... In Jesus name, Amen"

And then he walks off the stage!! I'm looking at my brother and my BF like, "OK, did my ears clog for the rest of the verse cause not only did I not hear the end, but what does that verse have to do with anything?!" I was left hanging AND confused, in one word summation, I was confuffled! I tell ya. Well, the remaining antics that followed that unusual opening of the service included the following:

a guest minister who did not preach from the bible. Nope, he did not give one bible verse, and quoted stories from the word that I am positive did not even happen in the bible.
the pastor and the guest minister's wife had lunch on the pulpit while the preaching was going on. I can tell you exactly what they had too! They had grapefruit juice, an AMP energy drink, and Swedish fish! NO LIE!!
the pastor fondled his wife when the guest minister told the congregation to show their appreciation for their pastor, because their pastor and his wife are considered to be a gift. Well, this pastor started to open his gift right on the stage! He was lifting up his wife's jacket and moving his hand further down her back to her booty regions, to the point where he said, and I quote... "Oh shoot yall! I almost forgot I was in church!" NO LIE!!
my brother, my BF, and I got preached AT for about 2.5 hours! The pastor and the guest minister kept staring at us because the church is comprised of a congregation of approximately 8-10 members, so they knew who was NOT a member of the church...and that was us! Hence, the reason why they threw stones in our yard for two hours!
the altar call took a whole hour at which point the pastor stared directly at the three of us and said, "THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE HERE WHO ARE NOT SAVED! YOU CAN BE IN CHURCH AND BE UNSAVED! YOU NEED TO COME UP HERE!" I used caps because he yelled at us!
prior to the altar call, the pastor looked directly at the three of us and accused "someone" of not receiving the message that the guest minister preached. He said,
"GOD TOLD ME THAT SOMEONE IN HERE DID NOT RECEIVE THE MESSAGE! I KNOW WHO IT IS TOO! I KNOW!"
Yup, and he stared right at us...! Trust me, my BF and my bro can attest to it! lol!
You know what, the pastor was probably right about us not receiving the guest minister's message because we don't know what the jail he preached on! The man switched topics like 18 times!!!
The service lasted from 3 to around 7. We could no longer take it, we had to bail during the tithes and offering portion, because we could not take it anymore.
Might I add that we all had to battle a PUNGENT smell for 3.5 hours because one of the three individuals sitting in front of us could not hold their booty cheeks together whenever they stood up to clap...this resulted in a frequency of break winds, which smelled and tasted like socks, behind one's ear, inside one's belly button, and between one's toes...not that I've tasted any of those crevices! lol...

What an experience it was though. I will not tell you the name of the church, as that will not help you in your walk with Christ! :-) Do know that it was one of the most unusual experiences of my life, and it has thus caused me to appreciate my own church so much so that right after I left the other church's service, I went back to my own church to sleep on the ground in the parking lot because I was THAT grateful! lol.... j.k

WHAT DE JAIL?!

2009-07-10T13:03:00.004-04:00

You ever feel like you just want to go somewhere and start over?? Like it's time for a major change of scenery and everything else? Well, I don't feel like that! lol... I'm good! Of course there are a couple of things I could complain about, but I'm not going to.

So, last week I stepped on the scale and it read 169.5! See the girl to the left who's smiling as she's squatting on the scale...? Well I did NOT look like that when I stepped on! lol! I almost had a heart attack right on the scale! WHAT DE JAIL?! I could not believe the numbers! I mean, geez Louise, is that number in US currency or what?! Seriously, I thought the scale was joshing me, so like the optimist that I am, I stepped off the scale and stepped on again as if the scale would suddenly say,

"Sorry about that Giselle, I was just playing..."

But much to my dismay...169.5 stared back at me in big red digital lettering. Mon Dieu! Jesus nail me to two crosses please! What happened to the 160 pounds that I was weighing last time I stepped on the scale, like 3 months ago?! Forgive me if you think I'm overreacting, but you have to understand that the last time I weighed anything close to this, was when I weighed 175 at 20 years old...that was almost 6 years ago. So, to see the scale creeping up to that 175 again was like a punch in the belly. You know, the weird thing is that all my clothes fit exactly the same, nothing is too tight, or suddenly can't be pulled up! Everything is fine! I am still 5'8, I didn't get taller, and I certainly didn't shrink...SO WHAT IS THE BIG IDEA! Well, after that spaz out over the scale last week, I decided to put myself on a "plan..." I won't call it a diet because there's too much negative connotations surrounding that word. I started eating properly and exercising on Monday...and guess what?! I've already lost 3.5 pounds as of two days ago! I owe it all to Sparkdiet, which has got to be the coolest site ever designed to help you get your body in line. I encourage anyone who is looking to lose weight, eat healthy, or get in shape to access this FREE FREE FREE site! It's totally awesome, and it is has an IPOD application for it so you can take the program with you on the go! I don't have to guess what to eat, and I'm eating regular food...just portioned! Like yesterday, I had pork chops with oriental fried rice and salad for dinner. My mouth has been having a fiesta of joy all week! I don't want to tell you all how much I want to lose, cause I'll get chewed out by some people...lol...I know I will! All I know is that so far, I'm doing well...I just have to stay away from my 105 lb best friend who is absolutely convinced that chocolate cake and ice cream in mass quantities won't do anything to me!

I'm Mad!

2009-07-09T23:55:00.002-04:00

Ok, I know it's like five minutes till midnight, but I'm upset and I absolutely must vent somewhere. Now I've been through a lot of things in my life that would at times cause any level headed person to become upset. It usually takes a whoooole lot to make me angry. I extend chance, after chance, after chance. I'm like Jesus (kind of...), I'll forgive seventy-times seven, but now....I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! This is the last straw that has broken the camel's back. I cannot let this just slide. I am fuming because of this which has happened to me. Of all the things in the world that could be done to a person, this takes the cake in my opinion. I find it hard to see through the anger right now. I actually had to take a walk around my hallway to calm myself because I am too through. The nerve, the audacity, the insensitivity! I would never wish such a thing which has happened to me upon my worst enemy. This is the kind of intolerable act that you see only happen to people on tv, or in the movies. I have weighed the situation on balanced scales, and the result is that I am MORE than justified to feel the way that I feel right now. Is there no justice in the world anymore?! Is there no care?! What has happened?! I am PISSED! I am sooooooooo done! I just cannot believe that my IMAC lost two of my photo albums! UGH! THE NERVE! Out of my 42,000 photos (yes, I really do have that many), I can actually cipher when a single photo is missing, far less a whole album. How could it do this to me?!! I need those two albums! I need those pictures! Where have they disappeared to?! I've been had...bamboozled by the system...the Apple system that is! And what sucks even more is the fact that I can't even remember what the names of the two albums are so that I can search them! GRRRRRR! I need to walk this off, cause I'm vex! Hmm...maybe I'm overreacting...a little...

Recap, Reset, Ready to Run!

2009-07-02T01:10:00.003-04:00

I see that I've completely missed out on the entire month of June. I do apologize!! I have to say that June has been one of the most mentally challenging months that I've experienced for this year. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, I was asked to minister the word at a teenage group meeting (first time ever "preaching" btw), I relaxed my hair, I think I've gained some weight too! lol... It's been some kind of month! I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around the fact that I've successfully made it through the first six months of this year...and so quickly too. I tell you, if you do not take a moment to stop and look at what is going on in your life and around you, you'll miss it. Also in this month, I've experience some things in the friendship arena, where I have lost some companions as well as found new ones. I've kind of been in hibernation for this last month though. You ever have those moments where you just don't feel like being bothered or getting too close to anyone? Well, that was June for me. But even in the midst of my wanting to be to myself, I still had things to do and commitments to fill. That's basically been my month of June in a brief recap. As far as my life right now, it's July 1, and I'm ready to hit the reset button regarding some things in my life. Plainly stated, I'd like a do-over. I want to fix some things, rectify a few mistakes, get things in order and run up ahead to what is waiting for me in the remaining five months of this year. I say I want to reset because I kinda feel like I've stepped out of position a little bit...shucks, I even stepped out on my blog!! I'm sorry my dears!! I got comfortable with somethings, and this happens to the best of us! We lose focus at times when things become so hectic and pick up that speedy pace. There comes a time when we have to stop, recap what has happened, reset ourselves to where we need to be, and get ready to run again! There's so much waiting for us in July-December. Don't lose sight or forget that. Are you ready to run?! I don't know about you, but I am now!

If & When

2009-05-31T18:07:00.005-04:00

God spoke to me about those two seemingly simple words... "if" and "when." We use them interchangeably, all depending on the situation. I found myself using one more than the other when it came to believing God for things. It was only after reading the story about Samson's parents did God show me that I've been speaking all wrong! Ok, so if you read Judges 13....and as a side note, don't sleep on Judges you guys! Contrary to popular belief, the book of Judges has so many awesome stories! The content in that one book alone is enough to create a #1 box selling drama, and suspense movie! Anyhoo, so as I was saying, if you read Judges 13 where an angel came to talk to Samson's mom before he was born to let her know that she would have a son, you'd see that the angel came to Samson's mom first and not the dad...simply because he wasn't there at the time. He was probably out like playing with bulls or something, but I digress... So Samson's mom told her husband that an angel came and told her that she would have a kid, mind you, this type of thing is noteworthy only because Samson's mom was previously barren. Being that an angel came and told her that she would now carry a child, she obviously had to let her husband know. Here's where the key point comes in. Samson's dad Manoah went and prayed not for the angel to tell him the news too, but rather for the angel to come back and grant them further instructions. When the angel did return, Manoah didn't ask the angel IF he had a child what should be done...He said WHEN he has the child what should be done. See, it took God opening my eyes to that simple word for things to make sense. If we apply this to our own lives, we'll see that often times we find ourselves praying and believing God for things in faith. Then right after our prayer, we go and talk about what we're believing God for and start off on the wrong foot...

"IF God opens this door for me then I'll do this..."

"IF I get this breakthrough then I'll be good to go..."

"If God so wills it to answer my prayer then...etc..."

See what I mean?! We shouldn't respond to our prayers and petitions of faith before God with IF...instead say WHEN, because even in your smallest of words, faith must be involved. IF implies that there is some degree of doubt in our minds that God might not come through. WHEN on the other hand, implies that we believe for a fact that what we've prayer for or declared over ourselves is going to happen, and it's only a matter of time. Do you know how the whole circumstance would have changed if Manoah had started his sentence directed toward the angel with IF?! He might have gotten rebuked, he might have gotten a delay in getting a son because of unbelief, you just never know! Listen dears, I heard this guy on myspace the other day talk about hesitation in prayers and such. To me, saying IF is like vocalizing the hesitations that you're experiencing inside. I mean really, as the guy said, one moment of hesitation can cancel out your whole prayer, because that was a moment of unbelief. Sometimes we wonder why God doesn't answer the prayers that we pray. It's not that God doesn't hear you, it's that your unbelief is canceling out your prayers. Even AFTER you're through praying and prophesying over the situations in your life, you cannot then go and talk about the situation and use words like IF as though you're unsure of whether God is going to come through. Even if God doesn't intervene in a way that you'd expect, I know for a fact that He'll come through, and in an even greater way than you've imagined....so then too, IF is still not merited. As I always say

"Go Hard, or go home..."

I apply this saying to my faith walk too! If I'm going to pray in faith or declare something, I sure as Heckelmans better follow up my prayers with die hard words of faith too. Leave no room for doubt or unbelief. Leave no space for extra though...No IFs...only WHEN...cause sooner or later, God will come through!! :-)

Ode to Mere....

2009-05-30T17:17:00.001-04:00

A quarter of my family and I went to a wedding (my two brothers did not attend) and my Mere looked so awesome that I just had to share her face with you guys...isn't she awesome?? If this is what I have to look forward to when I reach her age and she's 45 ( & PROUD OF IT) then SWEEET.....